It’s hard to believe that 2022 will be over in two weeks. This has been a year mixed with lots of joy, laughter, hurt, and tears. This is my first year toward independence after 14 years of marriage, learning to let go of the past, and keeping an open mind about my future. I’ve had to learn to let go of what does not serve me over and over again, as much as I may want to cling to it and as painful as that may be.
I am grateful to my soon-to-be ex-husband for the “Dark Night of the Soul” he has brought upon me for the past two years. I have shed so many tears, had my heart pierced by a hundred arrows, and my soul dripping blood continuously. I’m being forced to be thrown back into society, to start interacting with strangers; to form meaningful connections with some, to be lied to and feel that I am undeserving and unloved by others, and then having to pick up the pieces and slowly put myself back together again ~ piece by piece.
I’ve started learning stories of people similar to my situation, whether they’re considering going through a divorce, are in the middle of one, or are still trying to heal from one. I attended the 13-week Divorce Care support group twice this year, and the same story keeps coming into play in the divorce ~ Addictions.
I still have such a long journey to go. I need to unlearn all the unhealthy patterns I was taught since childhood. I need to let go of all my codependent tendencies after being married to someone with an addictive personality for so long. I still worry about my ex, worried that he’ll be drinking and driving and end up in an accident or worse… I still worry about others and attend to their needs more than for myself.
I will allow myself to mourn for my past for the rest of 2022, the good and the bad, and then I will pick myself back up again.
πΉ Auld Lang Syne…
Auld Lang Syne
~ Robert Burns
Should old acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind
Should old acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
We’ll take a cup of kindness yet
For auld lang syne
We two have paddled in the brook
From morning sun till dine
But seas between us broad have roared
Since auld lang syne
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
We’ll take a cup of kindness yet
For auld lang syne
And here’s a hand my trusty friend
And give a hand o’ thine
We’ll take a cup of kindness yet
For auld lang syne
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
We’ll take a cup of kindness yet
For auld lang syne