💗 Eat Well. Move Daily. Hydrate Often. Sleep More. Love Your Body! 😛
Introduction:
A daily and weekly structure, with a balanced distribution of work, activity and leisure, is of great importance for everyone.
Structure helps people keep track of time and of what they are doing, so they can be more attentive and able to concentrate, and less worried or confused about what comes next.
Structure may help reduce the risk of intrusion of, or switching among, parts of the personality; it may also help reduce the risk of prolonged flashbacks or sinking into depression.
1. Problems with Daily Structure for People with a Complex Dissociative Disorder:
You may start and stop a number of different tasks without finishing anything. This “start-stop” behavior, often due to the interference of parts, leaves all parts of you burdened by yet more unfinished business, depleting your energy further.
Without inner communication and cooperation, the activities and plans of some parts may overlap and interfere with those of other parts of yourself.
2. Reflections on Developing a Healthy Daily Structure:
Would you be willing to push just a little to do one or two activities each day?
If you decide to develop a new structure or routine, do not criticize yourself or other parts if you are not able to keep it all the time. Just try again! You do not have to be perfect to be successful. For most people, it takes several months (and sometimes even more) to make a new routine become a more automatic habit.
3. Additional Tips:
Try to go outside every day and get 15 – 20 minutes of sun.
Try to have contact with other people at least several times a week, especially if you live alone.
4. Keeping Track of Time:
5. Developing Healthy Work Habits:
People often have particular dissociative parts that deal with work, while other parts may be unaware of work. Some parts may sabotage or interfere with work or projects, or prefer to play instead of work. And parts living in trauma-time may become triggered by various situations at work, such as an angry or irritated boss.
6. Reflections on Developing a New Healthy Daily Structure:
Consider which activities give you energy or drain you of energy. Try to cooperate with all parts of yourself to set a realistic daily pace, given your energy level and the amount of energy your activities give or demand of you.
7. Homework:
a. Your Current Daily Structure:
Describe your current daily structure and routines so you assess what is working well for you and what might need to be different. Include the approximate amount of time you spend in each of the four categories listed below. You do not have to go into detail.
i. Work / tasks / chores / appointments / meals
ii. Leisure and social time, for instance, hobbies, being with friends or family
iii. Personal time for yourself, including inner reflection and communication with parts
iv. Do nothing; that is, watch mindless TV, surf the Internet, play video games, stare at the wall, sleep, and so on.
b. Developing a Realistic and Healthy Daily Structure and Routine:
Now describe a realistic and healthy structure and routine that you would like to develop in the next few months. Before you begin, you may want to refer back to the earlier section on reflections for helping you develop your new structure and routine. Remember to change only one thing at a time so you will not become overwhelmed or discouraged
💗 I Sleep Soundly Like a Baby👶 Each and Every Night! 😛
Introduction:
People with complex dissociative disorders almost always suffer from periods of disturbed sleep for a variety of reasons. Some of these may be physiological; others are related to the activity of various dissociative parts.
1. Types of Sleep Problems:
The one that bothers me the most is “Very early morning waking”. I often wake up at 3 – 4am every morning for some unknown reason.
I also have a feeling that I have not slept deeply or well, and then feel tired throughout the day.
2. Factors that Contribute to Sleep Problems:
a. Traumatization:
b. Struggle for Time Among Dissociative Parts:
Sometimes dissociative parts may be more active at night, when the main part of the personality is more fatigued and less “on guard.”
Sometimes parts stay busy because they dread going to sleep or are afraid to close their eyes. They may fear losing control or having nightmares.
c. Other Emotional Problems:
Sleep disturbances are common in those who experience moderate to severe anxiety or depression. Many traumatized individuals experience both.
d. Excessive Stimulation:
e. Lack of Stimulation:
3. Improving the Quality of Sleep:
a. Making Your Bedroom a Pleasant Place for Sleep:
Ensure that all parts of yourself have anchors that are helpful to them.
b. Preparing All Parts of Yourself for Sleep:
It is essential that internal agreements are made about a regular time for you (and all parts of you) to sleep each night.
Remember, that parts can be stuck in the past and experience themselves as young, and your job as an adult is to help those parts of you feel secure and safe in the present.
c. Establishing Sleep Routines:
Make sure that you, in your own way, communicate with all parts of yourself to remind yourself that you are safe and it is OK to go to sleep.
Once nice meditation is to reflect on three or four things for which you are especially grateful for in your life.
4. Tips for Dealing with Specific Sleep Problems:
a. If You Cannot Slow Down Your Thoughts:
i. Check with all parts inside:
Ask whether some part of you needs to communicate inside. If so, ask that part whether it can wait until the next day. It is important to be able to temporarily delay worry and thoughts that interfere with much needed sleep. Find out whether parts of you need something to be different in order to get to sleep. Be attentive to and respectful of all parts of yourself.
ii. Distract Yourself:
Imagine a big STOP sign each time you start thinking about something. After you see the stop sign, refocus your attention on breathing slowly in and out. Breathe in to the count of three, hold for a count of three, and breathe out to a count of three. Repeat several times, just focusing on your breathing.
Imagine putting your problems in a safe container (computer file, bank vault, box, etc.) for the night. You can return to them at the right time the following day.
Imagine a warm, white light that envelops you such that you feel utterly relaxed and safe.
b. If You Cannot Sleep After a Reasonable Amount of Time:
i. Turn the clock away so that you cannot keep checking the time.
ii. Remind yourself that there will be times when you cannot sleep.
iii. Stop trying to make yourself go to sleep.
c. If You Wake Up After a Nightmare:
i. The first step is to always get your bearings in the present.
ii. Do some gentle stretching exercises to help your body reorient to the present.
iii. You might try “changing” your nightmare. Add a supportive or strong person to the dream, invent a way out of the situation, or give yourself special powers to overcome any sense of powerlessness or fear in the dream.
d. Using Sleep Medication Appropriately:
5. Therapy Homework:
a. Look out for “Dad residue” thoughts.
b. When I want to do something kind for my ex, think of something kind to do for myself instead (since he does not want me to go above and beyond to do things for him; probably because he doesn’t want to feel guilty that I still care about him a lot).
c. If I wake up in the middle of the night, ask myself, “Is there a part of me that is being activated? If I become aware of a part that’s activated, then look deeper to see what has been activated?
d. After that, do some grounding and soothing breathing to fall back asleep again.
6. Homework:
a. Sleep Record:
b. Making Your Bedroom a Pleasant Place for Sleep:
Remind yourself that “All is Well, Here and NOW”.
c. Developing a Sleep Kit:
d. Developing a Bedtime Routine:
Thoughts:
I am getting better and better each and every day! I am starting to feel better and happier.
I am feeling off the layers of onions of my limiting thoughts, and beginning to find areas (physically, emotionally and spiritually) to improve upon.
Miscellaneous:
I told Anna that I have been sleeping better and feeling happier in general and that our sessions play a major role in this drastic improvement.
I also told her that I no longer dissociate and am able to remind myself to find anchors at the moment to keep myself grounded and remain in the present moment, especially when I have chiropractic treatments. Yay! 😃
Being safe in the external environment is a major initial goal in therapy for traumatized people who are still threatened in their present-day life.
However, even though many traumatized people are (relatively) safe in their environment, they still do not feel safe. Thus, a major goal in therapy is to establish a sense of inner safety, of being safe with yourself, all parts of yourself, with your inner experiences.
An inner sense of safety, also referred to as a safe state (O’Shea, 2009), is the awareness of feeling relaxed and calm in the present moment, when there is no actual threat or danger.
1. Developing an Inner Sense of Safety:
Inner safety is strongly related to being able to be present in the here and now, and in feeling secure in at least one or two trusting relationships with other people.
Traumatized individuals often do not feel safe with their own inner experiences, that is, with some of their own emotions, thoughts, sensations, and other actions of dissociative parts.
Subsequent avoidance of inner experience makes it hard to stay present, and it sets in motion an inner cycle of fear, criticism, and shame, adding yet more to a lack of inner safety.
If the concept of “safety” seems too foreign to you, you may think instead of a pleasant and calm place, a place where you feel understood and accepted, or perhaps a place where you are alone and know you will not be disturbed.
2. Ways to Create a Sense of Inner Safety:
a. Being in the Present:
You can train yourself to consciously let go of inner tension, to allow all parts of you to notice this moment of safety and well-being, of relaxation and inner quiet, even though at first these moments may be few and far between.
A sense of safety can occur when all parts of you can agree to at least temporarily let go of inner conflicts and criticism and to focus on the present moment.
This may be difficult to achieve and may not last long in the beginning, but you will find that all parts of you appreciate this state, and the more you practice, the easier it will become.
b. Developing Imaginary Inner Safe Places:
Individuals with a dissociative disorder typically experience a vicious cycle of rage, shame, fear, and hopelessness inside that contributes to a lack of inner safety.
Some parts are angry and critical, while others are hurting, afraid, or ashamed. There are often strong conflicts among these different parts. The more parts express their pain, the angrier and more hurtful other parts become, because they cannot tolerate what they consider to be “weakness.”
The more angry and critical parts are toward other parts, the more these parts suffer. This creates an endless loop of inner misery and lack of safety.
Angry parts feel some relief once they learn that terrified or hurting parts are quieter when they feel safer.
Thus, you are able to reduce conflict by helping both types of parts simultaneously. Once you are able to develop an inner imaginary safe space, all parts of you can experience it and have it available anytime you need or want.
For example, when some parts of the personality are overwhelmed, and you need to accomplish an important task, these parts may go to the safe place to rest while you complete your task.
Such parts may feel calmer in an imaginary safe place until such time that they can focus on their healing during therapy.
Some people find that one imaginary place is sufficient for all parts of themselves, while others feel the need for different places that match the differing needs of parts. And of course, inner safe places should always be paired with efforts to ensure your safety with other people and in the world. You cannot have an inner sense of safety without actually being safe!
3. Example of Imaginary Inner Safe Place:
Although technically not spaces, some people like the image of protective covering: space suit, suit of armor, invisible force field, invisible cloak (for more of this type of imagery, see “The Store” exercise in chapter 14).
4. Your Safe Place:
You may want a safe (or quiet) place for all parts of yourself together, or some parts may want their own place. Pay close attention to what various parts of you want or need. Remember that imagination is limitless and can be continually adapted as your needs change.
Remember that a prime rule is not to criticize or judge parts for what they imagine, and for what they want or need, even if you do not agree. Perhaps not all parts of you can yet participate; that is fine. Just start where you are able.
A safe place should be a private place that only you know about, and that no one else can find or intrude upon without your permission. If you feel especially unsafe, you can imagine that your place is surrounded by a fence, a wall, a special invisible field, or an alarm system.
You are in charge of whether you allow other people there. You can also negotiate with all parts to respect each other’s places and not intrude or “visit” without permission.
Feel free to add anything you want in this place to improve your sense of comfort, well-being, and safety.
Any part of you may go to a safe place at any time. Some parts may voluntarily go to a safe place when there has been some inner collaboration and agreement that this might provide temporary relief or containment. However, never try to shut away or hide parts to get rid of them!
A literal safe place at home is also important for many people. You can create a special room or corner of a room that represents your safe place. You may add items to this place that represent safety and calm to you. Choose colors and textures that are pleasant or quieting, objects that have a positive meaning to you, photographs of people who care about you, or of places that you find pleasant.
5. Homework:
a. Developing an Inner Sense of Safety and Safe Places
