July 17th, 2022 (Sunday):
I recently noticed that one of the YouTube songs in my post was no longer available, so I decided to update it. I also just felt like revisiting this post to listen to the songs regarding California.
Listening to the songs and watching the photos brings me back to fond memories of living in SoCal again. Gosh! I miss California so much!
At the same time, I feel this sense of sadness for my ex-husband… After the company he worked for went under towards the end of 2019, he started working a third-shift job while at the same time trying to find clients as a medical device engineer. It’s tough starting your own business and he worked very hard to at least have some form of stability now in his independent contracting business.
He was struggling with both his third-shift job & his own business in 2020, and in mid-2020 he told me to plan our relocation back to CA. Things turned around at the last minute and he managed to find a high-paying client for his medical device engineering business so we continued to stay in MN.
Then, he started doing shady things behind my back in 2021; seeing another woman, secretly withdrawing money from our joint bank account, and then taking up a huge loan when I found out about it and put a stop to him withdrawing money from our bank account. Finally, he gave all that money to the other women, and that was when he stopped pushing for the divorce to be finalized immediately, since he already got the money. We’re still getting divorced, but at least, in the meantime, he still has a housekeeper, a bookkeeper, and an executive assistant doing all the work for him, so he’s not pushing for it as hard as he did before.
I’m still trying to decide whether I should stay in MN, move back to CA, or move back to Taiwan after our divorce is finalized. This is why I’m learning to start my own online business, so that I am not restricted by where I am, and by the time zone.
Even when I was working from home as a Covid case investigator and contact tracer for both MN and ND, I had to be a MN resident, due to tax purposes. If I left MN, then I could no longer work for both of those jobs. The pay was good and I had a lot of freedom in setting my own hours, but I have always wanted to live a minimalist laptop lifestyle, where I can travel around the world and go where ever I want to, whenever I want to. I’m still struggling to find the best way to do this, but I know that I will get there eventually.
I feel sorry for my ex-husband because MN is the medical device hub. It’s his best chance of excelling in his field. If I decide to move back to CA, then he will be alone in MN all by himself. We hardly even see each other or speak with each other even though we’re still living under the same roof. But at least, we can still help each other out if need be. He’s a private and reserved person. I just hope that if I do end up leaving MN after our divorce is final, that he will have friends here to help him in his time of need. I hope he will find good friends that will lead him back to having a healthy lifestyle, instead of choosing to drink alcohol.
Even though he did all these shady, hurtful things to me, I am still grateful that he’s not rushing to have our divorce finalized right away, at my request, so that I have more time to continue my treatments for my concussion, my PTSD, and to work on my online business. I am getting a lot better now, but it’s still an ongoing journey.
We made a pact when relocating from CA to MN that once his company goes public and we become multi-millionaires, then we will drive back to CA and visit Hearst Castle again. Somehow, for me, Hearst Castle symbolizes a dream come true. When his company’s product was going to be mass-produced for the surgeons, and they were going to set up training sites throughout the entire US to train them, we started fantasizing of what we’ll do with all the money. We agreed to starting a non-profit organization and train the homeless so that they can become employable. Those were good times back then… Where did all the good times go???
I pray that I can become successful with my online business within the next 2 years. Then, I can prove to my ex-husband that it works, and convince him to start his own as well, so that he doesn’t have to work so hard. I pray that he can find someone to take care of him once we’re no longer together.
December 3rd, 2021 (Friday):
I Miss California… I had flashbacks of my time in California last night and this morning upon waking. I’m starting to feel anxious about my upcoming lipoma surgery that is scheduled for 12/22/21 (Wednesday), so decided to start and do my EFT Tapping again on a regular basis.
Will I feel pain before (during the local anesthesia), during and after the surgery? If so, then for how long, and how intense will it be? Will there be post-op complications, e.g. incomplete healing, scar formation, secondary infections, and edema, etc.? The surgeon has already told me that there will eventually be a faint visible scar, but I know that I need to take great care to make sure that the edges of the scar heals properly and that there’s complete healing beneath the scar, where they will be removing the lipoma.
I have slight scoliosis of my back. My chiropractor in Plymouth said that if 10 was the most severe form scoliosis, then he would say that mine is a 2 (just by looking at it through my t-shirt and not doing a comprehensive examination).
I sometimes feel uncomfortable with my bra on because of the slight scoliosis. I feel a slight push more towards one side. I think it’s also because of my lipoma as well, so I’m hoping that it’ll feel better after my lipoma has been removed.
I’ve decided not to wear a bra for at least a month after my lipoma surgery, as I don’t want the uneven pressure to cause my scar line to heal unevenly. Thank goodness I have perky breasts π, and this is with me only wearing a bra when I’m outside of my house for almost my entire life. So, I think I’ll be okay with not wearing a bra at all for two months, fingers crossed! π€
I’ll just have to make sure that I use a scarf to cover my breasts over my t-shirt when I go for my chiropractic adjustments and my physical therapy. My massage therapist(s) are all females, so I think I should be okay not to wear a scarf when getting massages, if I do decide to get one during those two months of healing from my lipoma surgery. I’m optimistically anticipating that I will be completely healed by the end of February 2022, assuming that there’s no complications occurring after the surgery. π
After doing my EFT tapping yesterday afternoon, I started having flashbacks of Carpinteria before going to bed last night. That’s where my husband’s company was based before they relocated to Maple Grove, Minnesota in 2014 ~ the reason we moved from California to Minnesota in September 2014. I imagined myself walking on the beach as I used to do so every single afternoon when we were living there.
I also had flashbacks of San Diego this morning upon waking. It was as if I was back there again at the Balboa Park in San Diego. I could see and feel all of my emotions that I felt when I was there all over again…
I think the EMDR sessions are definitely helping me to reawaken my senses. EFT Tapping does the same as well, and that’s why I’m starting to be able to get more in touch with all of my senses now.
I really miss California, despite the overall deteriorating conditions they’re now experiencing. There’s homeless encampments all over the state, druggies driving on the road (due to the legalization of pot), and overcrowding & traffic congestion in some cities. Luckily, Ventura County, where we used to live, is not so bad though. We lived in various cities in Ventura County throughout the years. The one I love and miss the most is Westlake Village. It is so beautiful and in a convenient location ~ whether it’s to travel South to Los Angeles, North to Santa Barbara, or West to Malibu (a very short scenic drive).
I Still Love California! I’ll Always Love California! It’s My Home! I Love California! I Miss California! I miss the ocean so much! π
April 5th, 2021 (Monday):
I love California. I came to California when I was three years old, due to my dad being a diplomat for Taiwan. Our family traveled to many other places afterwards, but my heart always belongs to California. It’s my Home…
My husband and I took a two week road trip when we relocated from California to Minnesota back in September of 2014. We drove from Channel Islands Harbor in Ventura County, CA all the way North to Seattle, Washington, then turned South-East towards Minnesota. We could have just driven East to North Dakota, and then South to Minnesota. But my husband said that we had to visit Mount Rushmore. I guess it’s more memorable to visit Mount Rushmore than Fargo? He also wanted us to visit the Yellowstone National Park but we decided to do that at another time so that we don’t have to feel too rushed during this road trip. We took the scenic Pacific Coast Highway route when we drove up North towards Seattle. We drove past Big Sur’s Bixby Bridge and stayed around the area for the night. Our last stop in California was near Mt. Shasta, California.
When asked of what I miss the most about California, the first and only thing that came to mind was ‘I miss the ocean!’. I almost cried when I said that. I miss the ocean so much. I feel like a fish out of water, literally… I love going to the beach and listening to the sound of the waves. It is so calming and relaxing. Looking at the vast ocean with endless boundaries also reminds me that I am just a pebble in the sand, a drop in the ocean. It humbles me and makes me once again connect with the Universe, with True Source…
I was just asked last week if I’d ever go back to California? I had put all my memories aside of California because I feel that there’s no use pining over something that you can’t have. But ever since then, I’ve been missing California more and more each day. I miss the ocean so much. The weather in Minnesota is nice now so it’s not so much the weather that I miss in California. It’s the ocean….. I miss the ocean so much, and just the fact that, it’s my Home. California may not be my Home by birth, but it’s my Home by heart… But, I feel that I have to go back to Taiwan to take care of my sister and my mom one day…
We went back to Ventura County, California a few months after we arrived in Minnesota to take care of some affairs. When we were driving our rental car to LAX from Ventura County to fly back to Minnesota, I started to bawl my eyes out, knowing that we’re saying Goodbye to Ventura this time, for good… After that incident, my husband has been hesitant for us to go back and visit California. Even when we do stop by there for a few days, after visiting my family in Taiwan, he’ll intentionally act all bored and upset while we’re in California. I think he’s doing that to psychologically bring me bad memories when I think of California, so that I won’t miss California so much. I definitely do not appreciate that! I don’t think he can deal with my emotions, or just emotions in general. Therefore, he just decides to suppress my emotions and his own emotions altogether.
My husband used to tell me that I live in a bubble. Sometimes, I wish I could just be a hippie, and live a carefree, stress-free life. Is that Okay???