Resentment is like drinking poison
and waiting for the other person to die
~ Saint Augustine
The section on “Forgiveness” in my Divorce Care workbook talks about understanding bitterness and forgiveness. It says that bitterness is like the clog in the drain, and forgiveness is the Drano.
Ever since I attended the Divorce Care support group which is sponsored by church organizations, I’ve been feeling closer to God and want to understand him at a deeper level.
Christianity speaks of God sending his one and only beloved son Jesus Christ, who died on the cross, to take away our sins so that we can be forgiven. God wants us to forgive others because He provides forgiveness for us. He knows that holding on to hurts from others will only hurt us more, so He wants us to forgive. When we forgive, we are driving bitterness from our lives and replacing it with godly and healthy qualities.
Forgiveness equals Freedom. Forgiveness does Not equal Condoning. Forgiveness is the releasing of our rights to get even with the person.
The workbook talks about praying for someone as soon as we start dwelling on how that person has hurt us.
I recite the Lord’s Prayer (along with my Buddhist meditation prayer) every morning and strive every day to forgive the wrongs that have been done to me. Does that make me a Saint? Far from it. I have on occasions surprised others when I become very angry. It mostly stems from when I feel that great injustice has been done to me, or if the person keeps on doing the same hurtful thing to me over and over again.
I am usually the sweetest and kindest person on this earth, so when I become very angry, many people, especially those who do not know me well, can not handle it. They don’t know how someone so sweet and kind can suddenly turn so mean and angry? What they do not know is that I constantly get taken advantage of, especially because I am very kind and trusting. Yet, I still wear my heart on my sleeve, and I still want to believe in the goodness of every person, because I do not want to turn into an angry, bitter person. But there just comes a time, when I can not take it anymore, when I just can not understand why people want to take advantage of my kind nature? Why can’t they just reciprocate in kind naturally, instead of viewing me as easy prey?
After being screwed over so badly by my soon-to-be ex-husband for so long, I told myself that he is the last person that will ever take advantage of my kind nature again. It’s very difficult having to be on guard towards others because that is not my nature. I need to put in the effort to remind myself that I can not be too trusting of others, and that there are truly people in this world with bad intentions towards others.
At the same time, I remind myself that I hurt other people as well, be it inadvertently, or due to hurt and anger. I also ask every day to be forgiven of my sins, by the grace of God.
Amazing Grace ~ My Chains are Gone
~ Pentatonix
Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I’m found
Was blind, but now I see
‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone
I’ve been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood, His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace
The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures
My chains are gone
I’ve been set free (been set free)
My God, my Savior has ransomed me (ransomed me)
And like a flood (like a flood) His mercy rains (mercy rains)
Unending love, oh, Amazing grace
The Earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
My chains are gone
I’ve been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood, His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace (grace)
I once was lost, but now I’m found
Was blind (was blind), but now (but now) I see