I AM Still Hurting! My Heart is Still Breaking! I did not think it would hurt this bad!
It has just been one betrayal after another! I just found out last Sunday (01/30/22) that my ex-husband not only stole money from our joint bank accounts, but he took up a huge loan and gave a 6-digit amount of money to a woman!!!!!
This sense of betrayal hurts so bad!!! I restored his poor credit score at the expense of mine to become excellent, and that was the only reason he was able to get a loan approved for such a large amount! I feel like a Fool! an Idiot! a Moron! What was I thinking?!!!
He has constantly lied to me, cheated on me and betrayed me for the past 13.5 years. Yet, I still forgave him, believed in him, loved him, cared for him, even up to this day. How can I be So Foolish!!!!!
We were no longer in love with each other since a long time ago, but I’ll always love him as a family member. But what he has done is an act of Ultimate Betrayal! I have been asking so many times for the past 2 months as to what loan he was applying for, and for what? But he was adamant to take that secret with him to his grave.
It was only until his mission was completed, by giving the entire amount to that woman, and by me threatening to speak with his boss, before he finally told me about it last Sunday. I have realized what a sick personality he has. There was no way to stop him from completing his mission. Once his mind is set on something, good or bad, he will get it done, one way or another. I still don’t even know if he was telling me the truth about where the money went. His story seems so unbelievable! Only an imbecile, and someone who was actively having a psychotic episode would do what he said he has done.
Even people who get scammed gets scammed that large amount of money after at least a year of being fooled. He got scammed in less than three months????? And what about the “Promise Ring Princess-Cut Diamond” that he was doing a Google search for not long ago? A few days later, he did a Google search for “Engagement Ring”. What was that all about?????? He is a Pathological liar! All I know for a fact is that all that money is gone! As to where it has gone to, I still do not know for a fact!
He just recently texted me, “You are irrelevant to me”. This is truly how he feels about me. He does not give a shit about me or how I feel. It has always been about him, and it always will.
He has no gratitude whatsoever for all that I have done for him for the past 13.5 years. All the sacrifices I’ve made for him, so that he is this high-earning medical device engineer that has been able to keep a good reputation in his field; despite being an alcoholic, who drinks and drives, cheats on his wife, and can not even get a credit card approved, because he does not take responsibility for anything outside of his work.
His debt collectors started contacting me after we got married, because he never answers the phone to them. I settled his debts! What did he tell me last Sunday? He said that he gave all that money away for a good purpose, now his life has a purpose, to pay off his loan. What an idiot!!!!! Why did I ever settle his debt on his behalf????? Obviously, his life needs to be in constant turmoil in order for him to feel alive! Why didn’t I just let him keep his lousy debts and poor credit score, so that he can never get another credit card or loan approved?????!!!!!! WHY?????!!!!!!!!
Not long after I moved in with him, our electricity got cut off one day due to his non-payment. I frantically called him to tell him that. He told me not to worry, that it has happened before!!!! It has happened before???!!!! I should have known back then what kind of irresponsible jerk I am dealing with!
After we started dating, he told me that I made him want to become a better person. Yeah, right! Of course! I settled his debts, got his credit score to excellent, drove him around like his chauffeur (when his driver’s license got revoked twice after we were together!) while being yelled at for having no sense of direction, took care of his health issues, and was treated only as his executive assistant and housekeeper. And all this for what? For him to screw me over again, and again, and again for the past 13.5 years!!!
He is Jekyll and Hyde. You’ll want to have him as your employee or independent contractor. But you WILL NOT want to have him in your personal life. He will destroy your sense of dignity, self-worth, and he will destroy your health and well-being. He will make you feel like you are insignificant, and not even worth existing on this earth!
This is the act of Ultimate Betrayal! To have total disregard for my future and my financial future, whatsoever! I don’t know how many coupons I’ve clipped throughout the past 13.5 years, just to save us a dollar here and there. Yet, this inconsiderate, cruel, cold-hearted moron threw away all that money in an instant, as if it was trash. Just like that! To a stranger that he claims he just met in November last year! He has betrayed me in every single way possible. He made sure of that!!!
This hurts so bad! My heart hurts so bad! This hurts so bad!!! 💔
💔 OVER YOU!!! 💔
~ Daughtry
Now that it’s all said and done I can’t believe you were the one To build me up then tear me down Like an old abandoned house What you said when you left Just left me cold and out of breath I fell too far, was in way too deep Guess I let you get the best of me
Well, I never saw it coming I should’ve started running A long, long time ago And I never thought I’d doubt you I’m better off without you More than you, more than you know I’m slowly getting closure I guess it’s really over I’m finally getting better And now I’m picking up the pieces And spending all of these years Putting my heart back together ‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through I got over you
You took a hammer to these walls Dragged the memories down the hall Packed your bags and walked away There was nothing I could say And when you slammed the front door shut A lot of others opened up So did my eyes, so I could see That you never were the best for me
Well, I never saw it coming I should’ve started running A long, long time ago And I never thought I’d doubt you I’m better off without you More than you, more than you know I’m slowly getting closure I guess it’s really over I’m finally getting better And now I’m picking up the pieces And spending all of these years Putting my heart back together ‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through I got over you
Well, I never saw it coming I should’ve started running A long, long time ago And I never thought I’d doubt you I’m better off without you More than you, more than you know
Well, I never saw it coming I should’ve started running A long, long time ago And I never thought I’d doubt you I’m better off without you More than you, more than you know I’m slowly getting closure I guess it’s really over I’m finally getting better And now I’m picking up the pieces And spending all of these years Putting my heart back together (Whoa-whoa-whoa) Well, now I’m putting my heart back together (Whoa-whoa-whoa) ‘Cause I got over you (Whoa-whoa-whoa) I got over you And I got over you ‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through I got over you
After many times of asking, literally begging, my ex-husband as to what is going on regarding our finances, I finally found out last Sunday (01/30/22) that not only did he withdraw the huge amounts of money from our joint bank accounts since the beginning of November 2021, but he also took out a huge loan in the past few months. He gave all that money to a woman!!!
When we got married 13.5 years ago, his credit was so poor, he could not even get a credit card approved. Even though he was making good money, but he never paid off his credit card debts. Due to that, 4-digit debts became 5-digits, thanks to compound interest and time. That’s how he is in life; hiding his head in the sand, until he goes through a manic phase, and then all of a sudden:
a. either get himself into another DUI, so that he will now have to pay lots of money each month to the state, for his DUI classes, and for his expensive car insurance rate
b. take up loan on money that he does not have, and give all that away, just like that, to a woman!
c. buy expensive, useless gadgets
I told him last Sunday that I went through 13.5 years of helping him with his issues: drinking addiction, DUI’s, cheating on me, debts, poor credit score, brain tumor (which was later found to be a congenital anomaly), without getting much money left in the proposed divorce settlement, especially compared to how much he gave to that woman in just less than 3 months! And here is this stranger that he interacted with since November 2021, that he ends up throwing all his money away, even money that he doesn’t have, without her having to ever lift a finger for him!!!!!!
I should have never sacrificed my own credit score (by opening multiple credit cards and adding him as an additional card holder) to make his credit score become excellent (and mine not as good since my credit score gets lowered each time my credit gets run, in order to apply for a credit card, or to start a utility service under my name, etc.). If I just left him with his poor credit score, where he could not even get approved for a credit card, then he would not have been able to get approved for a loan, especially for this huge amount!
I’ve realized that I have been enabling him all these years. He never had to suffer from the long term consequences for his actions (DUI’s, alcohol addiction, not paying off his debts, etc.) and I basically sacrificed my own health and well-being for nothing for the past 13.5 years, since he is still drinking and driving, and now have this huge loan debt!
What a joke! The joke is on me! You can not save someone that does not want to be saved! This is the biggest and most painful lesson I have learned in my life!
Update: 01/27/22 – Both of my Covid and Flu nasal swabs came back negative. Woohoo! 🤞
Life Is Beautiful!!! 😃
01/26/22
I’ve been going through a tough two months since the beginning of December 2021.
First, my soon to be ex-husband’s car got totaled on December 4th, 2021. Right afterwards, I found 1 can of empty beer and 3 cans of unopened beers inside his backpack that he brought back from the accident. Then he told me that had been drinking again since a year ago, and then he asked me for a divorce.
A few days later, I found out that he had been secretly withdrawing huge amounts of money from our bank accounts since the beginning of November, and even a few days after he said that he wanted a divorce.
Not soon thereafter, I went for my lipoma surgery on December 22nd, and was in a lot of pain and discomfort especially after the first two weeks. Then, I was in extreme stomach pain, passed out and vomited on January 13th, 2022. Thank goodness, it happened while I was inside my ex’s room with him helping me to apply the pressure bandage onto my lipoma surgical site. He doesn’t ever check up on me (he spends his spare time either getting drunk, or getting over his hangover), so if it happened at any other time, then I would have chocked on my own vomit and died. My ex would have probably eventually walked into my room 3 days later when he smelled my decomposing body.
On January 15th, in the evening, my EMDR therapist (that I last saw on January 12th), called to tell me that she tested positive for Covid, and started having symptoms on January 13th. So, I was definitely in close contact with her during her infectious period.
I went for my MRI/MRA brain and cervical scans on January 24th and saw the report yesterday from my MRI brain scan that I have white spots in my brain, which may indicate that I have had a stroke, have MS, have Lyme disease, or have a brain tumor, etc. I also had a MRI brain scan done 3 years ago after my concussion (slipped and fell on ice) but did not have white spots in the brain show up back then. So, something definitely happened to me in the past 3 years.
When I went into my ex’s bedroom last night to help me apply the pressure bandage to my lipoma surgical site, I found that he hid a bottle of hard liquor in his room. Once again, I’ve asked him to please consider getting counseling for his addiction.
I woke up this morning feeling extremely fatigued. I plan on getting tested for Covid this afternoon with my primary doctor. I have auto-immune issues, so I’m hoping that if I test positive, then he will be willing to prescribe to me Covid anti-viral medications.
I just can’t seem to catch a break. It’s been one shitty thing after another since the beginning of December last year. I’ve been trying to stay positive all this time but it’s starting to wear down on me now.
I just saw this video now of this brave sweet puppy, Cora Rose. She is my inspiration that even in the worst of times, you can still be the happiest person alive. The key is to be grateful for what you have in life. I will continue to watch inspirational videos and continue to practice my daily gratitude practice.
I joined GriefShare a few weeks ago, at around the same time I joined DivorceCare. I had a cat called “Lucky” back when I was studying Dentistry in South Africa. He ended up with a UTI and then died from septicemia afterwards. I was devastated. He was my best friend, my baby. I ended up with major depression and had to take “Aropax” which finally helped me to get better. The psychiatrist suggested that I continue to take it until I graduate from dental school since I’m under so much stress as well. I stopped taking it after I graduated.
🔥 Fire and Rain 🌧️ ~ James Taylor
However, I’ve learned from that experience that I do not deal with the death of my loved ones well, or just death in general. My father is 90 years old and has a thyroid tumor. He also has Parkinson’s and memory loss. I pray every day that he will live for another 30 years or more. However, I constantly have this great fear in the back of my mind that one of these days, I’ll get a call from mom, telling me that he has passed away or will be soon…
I wasn’t even aware that I had clinical depression after Lucky died. I just knew that everyday after coming home from dental school, I’ll lie down on my bed and start to cry. It just became my way of life. I was also failing at school. I wasn’t meeting the quota of the number of patients that I had to see. The Head of the Maxillo-Facial and Oral Surgery, Dr. Lownie, told me to go to her office one day and told me that I will not pass the year, unless I go and see the Head of the Psychiatry department. I had no choice but to do that, and it was then found that I had clinical depression. I am very thankful to her for forcing me to seek help, as it never occurred to me that I was depressed. I was only aware of it after taking Aropax for about month, when one day, I suddenly felt as if the dark clouds have been lifted over my shoulder.
My ex-husband continues to drink and drive. I have this constant fear that he will end up in an accident one of these days and either end up hurting someone/himself, or killing someone and/or himself.
I feel so helpless and powerless over this fear and that’s why I’ve joined GriefShare. I’m hoping to learn some survival skills to deal with it when the time comes. I am very afraid that I won’t be able to deal with it.
I also attended an online Al-Anon meeting last weekend and felt more at peace afterwards. I’m going to start attending more Al-Anon online meetings now, as it helps me to feel that I’m not all alone in this world dealing with my ex-husband’s addiction and my fear as to what grave consequences may happen to him.
I was also attending Co-Dependency in-person meetings last year. However, it’s at the same time as the DivorceCare in-person meeting that’s starting in February. So, I’ll probably check up for some Co-Dependency online meetings until I finish the DivorceCare in-person meetings.
I Need to Let Go. I Need to Just Let Go and Let God…
Fire and Rain
~ James Taylor
Just yesterday mornin’, they let me know you were gone Suzanne, the plans they made put an end to you I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song I just can’t remember who to send it to
I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend But I always thought that I’d see you again
Won’t you look down upon me, Jesus? You’ve got to help me make a stand You’ve just got to see me through another day My body’s aching and my time is at hand And I won’t make it any other way
Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend But I always thought that I’d see you again
Been walking my mind to an easy time My back turned towards the sun Lord knows, when the cold wind blows It’ll turn your head around Well, there’s hours of time on the telephone line To talk about things to come Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground
Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend But I always thought that I’d see you, baby One more time again, now Thought I’d see you one more time again There’s just a few things coming my way this time around, now Thought I’d see you, thought I’d see you, fire and rain, now
I just heard a very profound quote now ~ My Life is not defined by the people who walked away. My Life is defined by the people who decided to stay. 💖 These are the kinds of people that I want to be with; someone who will always be there with me through thick and thin! 🥰
🥰 I’m Still Here- 還有我 – 任賢齊 – Richie Jen 💖
🥰 I’m Still Here- 還有我 – 任賢齊 – Richie Jen 💖 – English translation
It’s cold outside, but I think I’ve hibernated for long enough now. I’m not going to be able to find my soulmate sitting at home. I had my Covid shot, my Covid booster shot and my flu shot. I am very careful when I’m outside and always put my mask on. However, that does not mean that I need to continue living like a hermit.
I realize that realistically speaking, I’m going to have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find my prince, but it will be worth it. I’m going to start joining online dating websites, and attend the in-person divorce support group that starts in February.
I look very young, and am very child-like. It’s funny actually, when I go to the gym (dressed conservatively), teenage boys (and men of all different age groups) are ogling after me! So, I think it will be suitable for me to find a man in around the 36 – 56 age range. Just because someone is older, doesn’t necessarily mean that he is wiser, and vice versa. There is a huge difference though, between being “child-like”, and being “immature”. What I have found throughout the years is that I no longer have any patience left to deal with immature men (i.e. boys) who love playing mind games!
I’ve been playing the sad role of this “grieving widow” for far too long now. Meanwhile, all this time, my ex-husband was out there having a ball; drinking, lying, and being with other people, while I’m all alone playing the unappreciated good wife at home. I’m done with that!
Just like in the movie “Braveheart”, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3ubag7dtn4 while being tortured to death, Mel Gibson (William Wallace) used his final breath to scream the word, “Freedom!!!“. This is how I feel as well. Even though my heart is being torn into hundreds of pieces, but I am finally set free!!! Here’s to being proactive to my new happy love life! 😛
I will accept that being an empath, I AM different from the rest of the world. I do not like crowds. I do not like loud noises. I do not like aggressiveness. I do not like to play games. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am open and honest. I am trusting and I am trustworthy. This is the kind of person I AM, and this is the kind of soulmate that I want to be with! 💕
When I was studying for my Traditional Oriental Medicine master’s degree, I was always aiming for an A+, or at least an A grade.
🌃 The Moonlight in the City – 城里的月光 ~ Liu Yuning – 劉宇寧 💖
Unfortunately, I ended up with A- for one of my courses. At first, I felt devastated, that my perfect track record is now no more. But over time, I started to feel elated, because I no longer have to put myself under so much pressure to maintain my so called “perfect” track record. I started to relax and enjoy studying, instead of just studying for the sake of studying.
This is how I’m starting to feel regarding my love life as well. I strived so hard for the past 13.5 years to keep my marriage from falling apart. Now that it has, and now that I’m finally starting to accept the truth of the matter, I’m beginning to feel more relaxed towards life, especially regarding my love life.
Now, I can finally choose to be with someone that I am truly compatible with, someone that loves me with his heart and soul, someone that will laugh with me through the happy times, and cry with me through the sad times.
I feel sad for the ending of my marriage, but at the same time, I feel happy, that I am finally set free! 🌺
🌃 The Moonlight in the City – 城里的月光 ~ Liu Yuning – 劉宇寧 💖 – Looped (1 hour) 😛
城裡的月光 – The Moonlight in the City
(with my English interpretation of the lyrics) 😃
作詞：陳佳明
作曲：陳佳明
每顆心上某一個地方
mei ke xin shang mou yi ge di fang
Somewhere in everyone’s heart.
總有個記憶揮不散
zong you ge ji yi hui bu san
Lies a memory that can not be scattered.
每個深夜某一個地方
mei ge shen ye mou yi ge di fang
Somewhere in the middle of the night.
總有著最深的思量
zong you zhe zui shen de si liang
Lies within our deepest thoughts…
世間萬千的變幻
shi jian wan qian de bian huan
Changes happen constantly in our lives.
愛把有情的人分兩端
ai ba you qing de ren fen liang duan
Always pulling lovers apart…
心若知道靈犀的方向
xin ruo zhi dao ling xi de fang xiang
But if our telepathic hearts can connect with one another,
那怕不能夠朝夕相伴
na pa bu neng gou chao xi xiang ban
Then we will always be together.
城裡的月光把夢照亮
cheng li de yue guang ba meng zhao liang
The moonlight in the city illuminate our dreams.
請溫暖他心房
qing wen nuan ta xin fang
Please warm his tender heart.
看透了人間聚散
kan tou le ren jian ju san
I’ve seen through the ebbs and flows of life.
能不能多點快樂片段
neng bu neng duo dian kuai le pian duan
All that’s important now is to be happy.
城裡的月光把夢照亮
cheng li de yue guang ba meng zhao liang
The moonlight in the city illuminate our dreams.
請守護它身旁
qing shou hu ta shen pang
Please protect him at all times.
若有一天能重逢
ruo you yi tian neng zhong feng
If we can be together again one day,
讓幸福撒滿整個夜晚
rang xing fu sa man zheng ge ye wan
Then let happiness spread throughout the entire night sky!
I went to the gym to walk on the treadmill after my husband came home from work this afternoon.
While driving, especially after blowing the hot air for a while, I started to faintly smell alcohol in the air. I’m very sensitive and especially with me being alcohol intolerant, my tongue starts getting a tingling sensation and some numbness when I’m in the presence of alcohol, especially in the air.
Oftentimes, when my husband comes home and I greet him, he looks at me with these very angry eyes but I have no idea why he is so angry with me? Sometimes, just that one angry stare from him sends my stomach into spasms and then I end up with stomach pain for the rest of the day.
I wonder if he’s angry because as much as he hates me stopping him from drinking, he’s even more angry at himself for drinking, and thus, also angry at me for not stopping him from drinking?
I don’t know what to do. When we’re not on good terms, he’s drinking. When we’re on good terms, he’s also drinking. When I only let him use credit cards and bring me back itemized receipts, he still manages to find cash to drink. And now I find out that he has been drinking since a year ago because the company that he spends most of the time every day has their fridge constantly stocked with alcohol.
He’s told me before that beer does nothing for him. So, I know that he’s buying hard liquor, and will have to up the dose over time, in order to feel the same effect as before. The amount of money he took from our bank accounts is enough for him to drink himself to death, and many times over.
When we were still in California, we went to see a hepatologist and found out that he has liver cirrhosis, and yet, he still drinks.
Even though we are getting divorced, I will always love and care for him as a family member. However, I don’t know how to help him. I feel so powerless and helpless. I felt sadness and compassion for him this afternoon. I don’t know what else to do. I’m turning to you, God, to please help him.
My Prayer
Dear God
Thank you for always letting me feel your presence
Thank you for having your angels protecting me permanently at all times
Please do not forsake him, for he is also your child
Please find a way for him to feel your presence and your love
Please help him to want to seek help for his emotional issues and his addiction
Please let him know that he deserves love and is loved by you for always,
I called the furnace repair company and left a voicemail to see when to schedule for a repair service this morning. Our reception here is poor so I often get dropped calls and will only know that someone called if they left a voicemail. I got a voicemail from their customer service rep asking me to call her back. I called back and got her voicemail again. Then 10 minutes later, the technician called me and said that he just finished a service nearby and can be here in 5 minutes. 😐
That’s like really short notice but if I don’t accept it, then who knows when they’ll be able to come and repair our furnace, so I had to agree to it. Thank goodness I always keep our townhouse neat and clean, and actually just used my newly purchased robot vacuum to clean our townhouse this morning. 😃
I told the technician that we weren’t considered an urgent case because our thermostat was registering at 67F, but that we had to run multiple space heaters. The technician said to tell HomeSmart next time that our thermostat is registering at 50F so that we’ll be considered an urgent case. It makes sense though, since if we didn’t have space heaters, then our thermostat would have been registering at a much lower temperature.
The technician kindly helped me to test and see if there’s any gas leakages as well especially since I told him that I work from home.
Hopefully, the furnace will be fine now, fingers crossed. 🤞
The owner texted back this morning to say that the replacement washer request has been approved by HomeSmart and he’ll let me know once he receives the approval. Hope that gets taken care of soon, too! 🤞
December 18th 2021 (Saturday)
I noticed when I came home last night that our furnace is once again only blowing cold air, and our temperature is in the teens right now! 🥶
I called HomeSmart to schedule for a repair. I guess there’s many furnaces breaking down now in this extremely cold weather so, whereas last time we were considered to be an urgent case, now only thermostats registering below 60F are considered urgent cases. Our thermostat is registering at 67F so the service technician will only be calling us next Monday to schedule for a service date. 😢
I always try to remain optimistic in life. However, so many crappy things have happened since the end of last month:
Just before the end of November: Our washer started to malfunction (stops in mid-cycle, and not draining the water completely). The technician came to look at it on December 1st and said that he will submit a request for HomeSmart to reimburse our owner with a new washer. I just texted the owner again last night and he still has not received HomeSmart’s approval for the washer replacement yet. So, I’ve been doing multiple re-washes and re-spinning, and just praying and hoping that it’s not going to stop dead completely all of a sudden.
On December 4th: I was hit with a 3-in-1 crappy shocker that: a. My husband’s car got totaled in a car accident (thank goodness he’s okay, knock on wood…). b. He had started drinking again since a year ago. c. He asked me for a divorce.
December 16th (Thursday): I found out that my husband is doing Google searches for “Promise ring princess-cut diamond”, and wonder if he has been seeing someone, besides starting to drink alcohol again since a year ago?
December 17th (Friday): I found out that my husband has been secretly withdrawing huge amounts of money from our bank accounts. I feel so betrayed by him. All these years of his lies and gaslighting just doesn’t seem to stop! I said to him when he came home yesterday, that “Thirteen and a half years, you’d think you’d be more honest with the (divorce) procedure!”.
December 17th (Friday) evening: our furnace stops blowing hot air again.
I returned one of the space heaters after the technician repaired our furnace on November 10th and replaced it with a mini space heater just to put by my working space. But now, I’m going to have to get a bigger one because that mini space heater is overworking and under-delivering. 🥶
Does this ever end??? Sigh….
November 10th, 2021
I didn’t sleep too well last night, kept on waking up throughout the night. Our Daylight Saving Time changed this morning, don’t know if it has anything to do with that?
I had been smelling some kind of faintly weird smell from our furnace for the past 2-3 days on and off. Then, just now I was starting to feel cold, even though I’ve set the thermostat at my usual 69F/70F. I decided to turn it up to 74F and that was when I realized that our furnace has stopped working. Even with the fan on the “On” position, there’s no air coming out of the vents.
I was just starting to wonder if I was getting ill and thus feeling cold. At least now I know that it’s because our furnace has broken down. Thank goodness the weather is actually warming up this week and it’s 49F right now as I’m writing this blog.
Our furnace also broke down last year, in the middle of winter. It was very early in the morning and I was freezing so badly and I was going into hypothermia. I didn’t think there was something wrong with our furnace because there was still air coming out of the vents, so I just assumed that I wasn’t well. It was only around 2-3 hours later that I did more investigation and thinking, and realized that the air coming out of the vents were icy cold, regardless of how high I turn the thermostat setting to.
And of course, as we all know, this is when everyone’s furnace decides to stop working. Thank goodness it was on a weekday, and considered to be an urgent issue so I think I got a call back a few hours later, and it was fixed much later on in the day.
I texted the owner just now and he asked me to call HomeSmart, which I did right away. The agent took down my details and said that a provider should be giving me a call soon, but if I still don’t receive a call by tomorrow morning, then to call back again. Tomorrow morning??? 🥶 I’m just grateful that it’s not freezing right now….. Pray that it’ll get fixed very very soon today, fingers crossed……
11/07/21 pm: Technician said that the motherboard needs to be replaced. He’s not sure when it’ll arrive, he’ll give me an update tomorrow. He managed to start the fan while he was there but it stopped after he left. I then tried the central A/C and the fan kicked on again. I texted him to let him know and he said that he still thinks that it’s a problem with the furnace’s motherboard. Thank goodness it’ll be a warm week this week, knock on wood! I went to buy a space heater for my room for now.
Well, actually, my husband has the fancy expensive Dyson cool/heat fan in his room. I didn’t have since I tend to be on the warm side. They didn’t sell it at Bed, Bath and Beyond, so I bought a much cheaper Lasko ceramic space heater and exchanged it with him. He doesn’t know about it yet, but I’ll let him know and thank him when he comes home just now. 😛
11/09/21 (Tues):
A different technician came by and after fumbling for an hour, said that it’s the wrong part. They’ll have to order it and it may take days to arrive. 🙄
After hearing, I decided to go back to Bed, Bath and Beyond to purchase another space heater for downstairs, since it’s going to get colder and colder throughout the week, and we don’t know when our furnace will get fixed.
11/10/21 (Wed):
I got a call from the furnace repair company at 7.48am saying that they got the correct part and now the technician will arrive between 8am – 12pm. It’s really like very short notice but, hey, I’ll take it!
The same technician from Sunday came by and said that the technician from yesterday kinda of got confused with how to install the part, that it’s actually the correct part.
Thank goodness after about an hour, it seems to be fixed now! Fingers crossed!!! 🤞
My lipoma surgery is on this upcoming Wednesday in the early afternoon. I’ve been stressing out about it, besides dealing with our appliances breaking down, and my soon-to-be ex-husband causing me grief! It’s not his fault that his car got totaled. However, he has no sensitivity whatsoever to fact that we only have one car right now, and that I still need to leave our townhouse! It just reminded me once again that this is the kind of narcissistic self-absorbed person I’ve been dealing with for the past 13.5 years of my life. This also reminds me that I will need to stand my ground and not expect him to look out for me, or have any consideration for me.
Fight Song ~ Rachel Platten
Instead of just sitting us down and having an adult discussion that our personalities are too different, and that it is in both of our best interests to get a divorce, and discuss the details of doing so, he intentionally chose to do a whole bunch of shady things behind my back. I believe that he would not have told me that he wanted a divorce on December 4th, had I not found the 4 cans of beer in his backpack, and would have just continued to empty our bank accounts. Sometimes, the ones closest to you, are the ones that will hurt you the most, and that is definitely my case here.
All he has been doing is self-sabotaging and creating drama for us for the past 13.5 years. When life was good and the company that he was working for was becoming more and more successful, he decided to drink and drive, and get his second DUI. When life was good, he had to go and get his third DUI as well. (We had not met each other when he had his first DUI, so I don’t know what his life circumstances were at that time). When life was good, after we settled down in Maple Grove, and we were on good terms, he still decided to start drinking and driving again, and hooking up with his hookup from the past. When life was good, he decided that he is tired of his high-executive level position and wants to quit his job (He had been wanting to quit his job since 2 years before the company he worked for went under in September 2019). Drama is the only way for him to feel alive. How do I know that? I used to be like that when I was in dental school. I believe that was the primary reason I chose my physically-abusive medical school boyfriend (subconsciously, of course), instead of my sweet first love that I’ve known since high school. It was only after starting my journey of self-discovery did I realize the reasons behind the actions & decisions I took in life. He refuses to get any kind of help whatsoever. God helps those who help themselves. I’ve been throwing a lifeline to him for the past 13.5 years, only to get dragged deeper and deeper with him to the bottom of the ocean.
After I went home last night carrying a whole bunch of heavy groceries, I went into his room to ask him what time he will be waking up, so that I don’t need to rush through my evening bathroom routine to have the bathroom available for him. Once again, I thought I faintly smelled some alcohol from his breath when he answered my question. I asked him if he drank, and guess what his answer was???? Yup, you can never guess that wrong, for he will always deny it unless you have solid physical evidence. That’s how he is with everything. Never willing to own up or accept responsibility unless he gets caught with his pants down.
I had been thinking more regarding his so-called new “work project” on the “promise ring princess-cut diamond”. It makes sense for him to be searching for a “promise ring”, since when he told me that he wanted a divorce on December 4th, he wanted us to go our separate ways immediately. I asked him if I can finish my medical treatments and he agreed. That’s why he can’t give his whore an engagement ring yet, since he is still legally married, but can only give her (or him, who knows?) a promise ring for now.
LIES, LIES and just more LIES from him! I’m so glad it will finally be ending soon!
I have placed notification alerts now for every time an activity happens with our bank account. “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.” ~ Al Capone
I hope that after our divorce is finalized and he starts openly dating this floozy, he will have the common sense to realize that he is not meant to be in a serious relationship. His ex (before me) of 9 years moved out not long after they moved in together, and they were only able to continue the relationship for so long because they just had a superficial part-time relationship of living separate lives, and only getting together when they felt like it. I guess she finally had it after 9 years and called it quits eventually.
He’s not willing to do the work to maintain a real long-term relationship, whether it’s regarding physical or emotional intimacy. That’s why he used to go to bars to drink every night, because the bartender will pretend that she is his best friend, listen to him talk non-stop, and pretend to be non-judgmental at all, in order to get a big fat tip. Strangers are his best friends, for they will never get to know him at a personal level to truly know the kind of person that he really is. Once someone gets to know the real him with his flaws and all, he starts seeing that person as his greatest enemy.
Had I not put in the effort to work on our marriage for the past 13.5 years, we would have gone our separate ways a long time ago. I stopped putting in the effort (Emotional effort, that is. I still took care of everything else and still cared about him deeply as a family member) completely in March, and how long did it take for him to decide to call it quits? 7 months, since he started secretly withdrawing money from our bank accounts since the beginning of November.
Since he is not willing to do the work to be in a real relationship, I honestly pray for his own sake that he does not move in with this floozy. There will no one else on this earth that will be this kind and forgiving towards him like me, even though he has betrayed me multiple times and has showed me so much emotional cruelty for the past 13.5 years. She will destroy him once she finds out who he really is.
I CHOOSE to put this self-absorbed narcissist locked inside my “box” for now, and will ONLY Focus on my upcoming lipoma surgery. My therapist taught me to have a “box” – physical and/or imaginary – to place people/things/events that I do not want to deal with currently inside, and will only take them out at a later stage when I feel more emotionally adept to deal with. I’ve been dealing with this for the past 13.5 years, so what’s another year or so???
Regarding my upcoming lipoma surgery, I’ve been doing EFT tapping on “Preoperative: Prepare for a Successful Surgery” in my “Tapping Solution” app every day for the past 2 weeks, and will continue doing so up to the morning of my lipoma surgery. I will start to do EFT tapping on “Postoperative: A Smooth Recovery“, and “Postoperative: Deepen Your Healing” in my “Tapping Solution” app after my surgery for at least a month (until the end of January 2022).
Starting from tomorrow, until Friday, I will only take a multi-vitamin, since I don’t know if the other natural supplements that I’m taking have a high level of anti-oxidant property or not, which may prevent or slow down bleeding after the surgery. I don’t want to slow down my blood-clotting process as they may cause the surgery site to end up forming a hematoma.
Sigh…. I spoke with mom on Thursday telling her all these things and she was kind of jokingly saying that this is the problem with having too much knowledge regarding something. A “normal” person will just go and get the lipoma surgery, follow the instructions of: a) no shower (do not wet the surgery site) for 48 hours. b) no baths for a month. c) no spinal manipulations for a month. d) call immediately if bleeding doesn’t stop, or see pus oozing out of the sutures, or running a high fever. In fact, they might not even care for these post-op instructions. And here I am, thinking of the 101 possibilities of things that might go wrong. I really need to simplify my life, which includes simplifying my thoughts. Just take the necessary precautions and take life One Day at a Time!Wish Me Luck! 😍
November 2nd, 2021:
I have a lipoma on the left side of my back just under my scapula that is about 4cm in diameter. My dermatologist suggested that I get a consult with another dermatologist colleague who is also specialized in Mohs surgery.
I saw Dr. E on 10/26/21 for a lipoma consultation. I told him that I sometimes experience pain around that region and was wondering if the lipoma is pulling on a nerve in that region? He said that I most likely have an angiolipoma, i.e. a lipoma that has its own blood and nervous system. I asked him if I should get an ultrasound for it? He palpated the lipoma and said that it felt encapsulated and that I should be fine without an ultrasound. He was also palpating to see how large the lipoma was to determine if it can be removed in-office, or needs to be removed under general anesthesia because if it’s too large, then local anesthesia won’t be able to numb me enough. My heart skipped a beat when he said that. Luckily, he said that it can be done in-office under local anesthesia! Phew!!!!!
Dr. E said that he will make an incision throughout the entire diameter of the lipoma, then remove the lipoma along with its contents. It will take around 20 minutes for the local anesthesia to take effect, and then around 25 minutes for the removal and suturing of the incision. He will not suture the wound too tightly since the skin will start to tighten up as it starts to heal, and he doesn’t want to end up with the pulling of the skin, which makes total sense. I’m assuming I’ll be having a “flappy” skin suture which will then tighten up and become a perfect (fingers crossed) line when it’s completely healed.
I asked him about scarring and he said that there will be a thin visible line, which unfortunately, I guess is unavoidable as well. He will be putting self-absorbing sutures and applying the wound with a surgical gauze that I can remove after 48 hours. I won’t be able to get that area wet for 48 hours post-op and I can’t take a bath for a month. I asked him if it’s okay for me to continue getting chiropractic spinal manipulations and he said to avoid that for a month as well. Dr. E said that if all goes well, i.e. normal healing, normal level of pain, and no infections, etc., then I won’t be required to see him for a follow-up appointment. However, if there’s pus coming out of the incision area post-removal, then I should call the clinic right away.
Dr. E said that he only does facial tumor removal which puts me a bit more at ease because I’m assuming that he would have to have good suturing skills in order to have minimal scarring especially since it’s on the face. I asked him if taking any additional supplements will help with the surgery and the healing and Dr. E said to not take Gingko, fish oil and Vitamin E before the surgery, as they may actually make it more difficult for the bleeding to stop. So, thank goodness I asked him about that! Just to play it safe, I won’t take any natural supplements 3 days prior, on the day of, and 3 days after the surgery. No supplements (except for a multi-vitamin) from 12/19/21 (Sunday) through 12/26/21 (Sunday). No muti-vitamin on the day of the surgery (12/22/21 – Wednesday) as well.
I also asked Dr. E if someone needs to come with me to the appointment and he said that it’s not necessary since I won’t be having anything that will make me drowsy. I am concerned though about experiencing pain afterwards while driving home. Especially if I have to step on the brakes suddenly, or make sudden turn of the steering wheel, etc. So, I asked my husband if he could accompany me to the surgery and he said that it’s fine.
I called mom the next morning and told her about it. I have a nervous personality, and I think I got that from my mom. She sounded worried when I told her that Dr. E will be cutting an incision length of 4cm. She said that there’s so many “minimally-invasive” surgery these days, so can’t he cut a shorter length instead? OK, so after that conversation with my mom, I am starting to get more and more worried by the day. 😟
I’m worried about pain during the op, pain post-op, healing post-op, and all the inconveniences post op. e.g. No Epsom salt baths for at least month, no spinal chiropractic (or myofascial release) treatments near that region for at least a month. I’m also worried that since I have mild scoliosis, whether that will affect the healing process and will my suture be pulled onto one side? I need to avoid sudden movements that might pop my stitches or affect the healing “line”, i.e. avoid activities that will cause a pulling pressure in that region, such as hard laughing, getting constipated (thus causing straining/pressure), sleeping on my side (which I won’t be able to prevent if I’m fast asleep…), etc. etc.. This is the problem with having too much knowledge and too long a time before the surgery…
I had an emergency appendectomy back in 2015. I had abdominal pain, but it wasn’t the typical acute appendicitis excruciating type of abdominal pain. It was more of a deep aching pain. Thank goodness the triage nurse told me that I have to go to Urgent Care right away and thank goodness the Urgent Care doctor ordered an MRI for me. I was told that I have acute appendicitis and that I needed surgery right away. Tears fells down my eyes, and the next thing I know, I’m in a surgical gown, and wheeled into the operating room. Then I wake up and it’s done! I experienced post-op pain for over a year afterwards which was pretty traumatic. However, there was hardly any stress leading to the surgery since it came on so sudden.
However, I now have almost 8 weeks to prepare for this lipoma surgery and I’m already freaking out, and it’s only week 1! Sigh….. I called the dermatologist’s office and asked for Dr. E to call me back. I just want to make sure that it is totally necessary for him to cut the entire 4cm?
I’ve decided that I am going to start doing EFT tapping again for at least once a day to calm my nervous system. I am actually starting to scare myself silly now…..
—— Dr. E called me back just now. He said that they would start with a small incision (to minimize scarring), e.g half of the diameter but if they find e.g. that the lipoma is deep or have attached tissues, etc. then they may have to make the incision longer in order to gain access to the deeper structures. I asked once again if an ultrasound beforehand would help and he said no, that they will only know once they cut the lipoma open and start pulling on it to see how deep it is and if it’s attached to other tissues etc.
Thank goodness he was pretty patient and understanding about it. I’m guessing that if he didn’t know previously, then he probably knows now that I’m the nervous type of patient.
I kept the conversation short and thanked him for clarifying this for me.
I do feel a bit better now knowing that he may not have to cut the entire diameter, but that there is a possibility that he may have to as well. Fingers crossed!
Now, I just need to resolve the stress and anxiety issues that I am causing myself to experience….
My Fight Song!
~ Dave Bassett / Rachel Platten
Like a small boat On the ocean Sending big waves Into motion Like how a single word Can make a heart open I might only have one match But I can make an explosion
And all those things I didn’t say Wrecking balls inside my brain I will scream them loud tonight Can you hear my voice this time?
This is my fight song Take back my life song Prove I’m alright song My power’s turned on Starting right now I’ll be strong I’ll play my fight song And I don’t really care if nobody else believes ‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me
Losing friends and I’m chasing sleep Everybody’s worried about me In too deep Say I’m in too deep (in too deep) And it’s been two years I miss my home But there’s a fire burning in my bones Still believe Yeah, I still believe
And all those things I didn’t say Wrecking balls inside my brain I will scream them loud tonight Can you hear my voice this time?
This is my fight song Take back my life song Prove I’m alright song My power’s turned on Starting right now I’ll be strong I’ll play my fight song And I don’t really care if nobody else believes ‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me
A lot of fight left in me
Like a small boat On the ocean Sending big waves Into motion Like how a single word Can make a heart open I might only have one match But I can make an explosion
This is my fight song Take back my life song Prove I’m alright song My power’s turned on Starting right now I’ll be strong (I’ll be strong) I’ll play my fight song And I don’t really care if nobody else believes ‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me
Know I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me!!!!!!
I called and asked my soon-to-be ex-husband to tell me if there’s any other withdrawals he has made so that I don’t end up in shock with more surprises later on. He paused for a second and then told me that he withdrew all the money from our other joint checking accounts with another bank. I logged on and saw that he had been doing it bit by bit since the beginning of November. I really have been kept in the dark for a very long time. I’m just in shock….
December 17th, 2021 (Friday) at 10:24am
I was paying my husband’s 4th quarter estimated taxes for both the IRS and the state and wanted to make sure that there’s enough money in our bank account. I logged on and saw that there were two lump sums of money transferred out of our bank accounts. I proceeded to call our bank to report fraudulent withdrawals made from our bank account but then hung up and decided to call my husband first and make sure that he doesn’t have anything to do with it.
I told him that I don’t want to accuse him of anything, so want to ask him first. He said right away that it’s him. He made a huge withdrawal even before he told me that he wanted a divorce on December 4th, and another huge withdrawal days after.
I asked him if he ever planned on letting me know about this? He didn’t answer that. I guess he figured that I’ll find out sooner or later when I eventually log onto our account online.
He also told me that he had already called his parents before December 4th to tell them that he’s getting divorced and told them not to bother contacting him again. He hadn’t been in contact with them for years and I tried to repair our relationship with his parents a few years ago. His family have been texting me and then I’ll text them back on our behalf, and then forward our messages to my husband. I told him that I was planning on continuing to do that even after our divorce just so that his family will have a peace of mind, but he said that it’s no longer necessary.
I am honestly in shock. I am an open book, too honest of a person. I tell him everything that’s on my mind. I wasn’t expecting that he had already done all these things without telling me before, during, or even after the fact. I feel sick…
December 16th, 2021 (Thursday) at 7:06pm
My husband needed the car for the entire day so I stayed at home, journaled, did my stretches, and cleaned up the townhouse. He just got home now and I still as usual, took his stuff for him. I wipe his phone with alcohol every day when he comes home, clear his phone’s browsing history and put his phone into airplane mode. I also put my phone into airplane mode at night and have been very careful with leaving our wifi or bluetooth on ever since all of our devices and accounts got hacked a few years ago.
I normally just clear his browsing history but for some unknown reason, I decided today to look at his browsing history. I don’t know if it’s the Universe that wanted me to do this or what, but guess what I found? Him doing a whole bunch of Google searches on “promise ring princess-cut diamond”. Besides suspecting that he had been drinking (which he denied completely until I actually saw the beer cans in his backpack), I also have been suspecting that he is seeing someone else.
I told him just now that I know that we are getting a divorce, but I also deserve to know the truth. I told him that I don’t normally check his browsing history and just clear it, but for some reason, I looked at it today and saw that he was searching for “promise ring princess-cut diamond”. I asked him if he was seeing someone. He said “No”. I asked him why then would he be searching for this. He said that it’s for work, that they’re doing some kind of project, which I really find it hard to believe. To be THAT specific in typing “promise ring” under the search terms just did not make any sense whatsoever. I asked him when has he started seeing this person and he said that he’s not seeing anyone. So I said to him, “Ok, let me ask it this way. Are you seeing or have you been seeing anyone in the past two years?”, and he still said ‘No”.
Knowing the kind of gaslighting narcissist that he is, I really can not believe anything that he says. He has lied to me in the past regarding his drinking, with red shot eyes and alcohol breath coming out of his mouth.
I just chose to walk away. This just helps me to feel even better now knowing that we’re getting divorced.
I’m really starting to wonder now. He had not been home for even longer periods of time every day and yet he hardly brought home any income from his independent contracting jobs for the past few months. I wonder if he has opened a new bank account and just directed his clients to transfer most of the money into that secret bank account instead?
———————————————————————————————-
December 16th, 2021 (Thursday) at 12:04pm
My ex called me a few days ago and I told him about my husband’s car being totaled, that he had started drinking again since a year ago, and that he has asked for a divorce. I told my ex about my timeline; that I plan on focusing on taking care of my physical and emotional health while I still have health insurance under my husband, and then I plan on moving back to California sometime next year before the snow falls.
Starts with Goodbye – Carrie Underwood
I asked my ex to start thinking of something for me to do there, like maybe joining him with his online business. My ex suggested that we open a health clinic together and I start treating patients again. My ex has actually been asking me to open an acupuncture clinic with him for quite a while now.
My ex said that it seems like being a healthcare practitioner is what suits me the best, which I think may be true as well. I was doing great as a contact tracer for both North Dakota and Minnesota. However, after my case died I fell into depression right away. I think the main reason is also because I already have PTSD myself, so being in the presence of death was just too much for me. I was afraid that if I continued to be a contact tracer and another case died on me, then I may fall into a permanent state of deep depression, and may even end up having thoughts of ending my own life. I guess I’ll have to thank my supervisor back then for strongly recommending that I get counseling, which I wasn’t prepared to do so at the time, but am finally doing now.
This got me thinking about my relationship between my ex and my husband. My ex really knows me well. He knows of my strengths and my weaknesses, and what I really appreciate about him is that he’ll always be able to find a way to magnify my strengths. This is in contrast to my husband, whom I also think is aware of my strengths and my weaknesses, but would rather focus on my weaknesses, e.g. being easily fatigued, hard to follow through with what I’m doing, and can not handle stress well, etc.
My ex thinks that I am an innocent, kind-hearted, and trusting person, that often gets taken advantage of. On the other hand, my husband sees that as me being a gullible and weak person.
I am really thankful to my ex for bringing up this idea, as I believe that this may be a new direction that I can take in my life now. Ever since my sister got institutionalized 2 years ago, I’ve been having this constant internal struggle of feeling that I need to go back and live in Taiwan in order to take care of her and my mother, especially once my father passes on. However, I feel so stressed because I do not know how to adapt to the environment in Taiwan that is very crowded and noisy. Even in the US, I struggle constantly to find a quiet and peaceful sanctuary to live in, so how am I supposed to find a quiet place on a tiny island that is 3.9 times smaller than Florida, yet populated with 23.57 million occupants?
My ex’s suggestion has got me thinking that I may be able to live in both Taiwan and California. Before Covid, there were direct flights between Taiwan and California almost daily, and now they’re starting to pick back up again. My ex is also a licensed acupuncturist as well. In fact, he even went on and got his doctoral degree, which from hindsight, I probably should have gotten as well. However, I just thought to myself that I am already a dentist, have a MBA degree, and am a licensed acupuncturist, so do I really want to spend more time and money on getting another degree, or shouldn’t I just focus on doing something more productive instead, like earning a consistent income?
I have kept my California acupuncture license current all these years, and it’s just a matter of paperwork and paying the application fees to get my Minnesota acupuncture license as well. I needed to get the national (NCCAOM) certification in order to apply for my Minnesota license, which I obtained towards the end of 2019.
In fact, I was planning on getting my Minnesota acupuncture license, and then starting to treat patients in retirement homes just before Covid struck in the beginning of 2020. My acupuncture technique is gentle and relaxing, especially because I am very sensitive myself, so I know how uncomfortable it feels with strong needling. Some acupuncturists believe in the “No Pain, No Gain” theory, so they needle the patients strongly. However, I believe that pain can cause your body to secrete stress hormones, which in turn, impedes your body’s natural healing process. I feel that it is much better to let your body be in a relaxed state so that it can function optimally in order for you to heal.
Our acupuncture school has three tracks: English, Chinese, and Korean. I specifically took the English track, so that I would know better how to communicate with English-speaking patients about Oriental medicine, acupuncture, Chinese herbs, and stress management, etc. I also read through the Chinese Oriental medicine books myself, so that I get the best of both worlds and can communicate well with both English-speaking, and Mandarin-speaking patients.
When I was working as an acupuncturist in Ventura County, I was able to attract many patients that loved me. Since I was just starting off, I decided to only take private patients, and was charging $120 for each one-hour session, or $100 for each one-hour session if they purchased a 10-session treatment package. I was doing well, given that I had just started not long ago, but then my husband got his third DUI.
Being a co-dependent, and being brought up believing that my marriage should be the most important thing in my life, I took upon the complete responsibility of driving my husband to work, driving back home, picking him up from work and then driving us back home again, which can take up to 4 hours a day, depending on the traffic. He did rent a room closer to his workplace for a while, but then after he got out of jail, we just decided that it’s easier for him to stay at home and I drive him every day, everywhere. This includes his mandatory DUI classes, and taking him to see the doctor for his health issues and his pituitary microadenoma, etc.
It took a complete tow on my health. I had stomach pains every day, was unable to sleep, and was constantly in pain. I stopped treating patients, and just went on a downward spiral, and still have not been able to recover fully up to this day. To be fair, it’s not entirely my husband’s fault regarding my work situation. My husband has not ever put pressure on me to earn an income, except when his company went under in 2019, where he was constantly telling me to go and get a job. I don’t blame him though, as he was very stressed out about our future. I did try different things, such as building an online business, and doing some stock trading, etc. However, I’ve come to realize that I do not cope with stress well. The stock swing trading also took a complete toll on my health as well. To be fair, if my husband didn’t work so hard to make sure we didn’t have to worry about getting bills paid, then I would have had to be more consistent in earning an income as well.
I spoke with Mom this morning and told her about my conversation with my ex. I told Mom that this may be the best of both worlds since I’ll still be able to spend a lot of time each year with her and my sister, and also live in California as well. My ex can cover my patients when I’m back in Taiwan, or even better, we can just employ an acupuncturist to come and work for us, if our business starts to pick up. I am well aware that most startup businesses fail within the first 5 years, but I think that it’s still worth a try, right? My ex has very good business sense, so I do believe that he will be able to set up a successful clinic for us. One of his colleagues is also doing well with treating acupuncture patients and he charges $60/session for cash-based patients, or gets reimbursed $40/session for insurance-based patients, which I think is pretty doable as well.
I told Mom that my husband may also be more happy without me. Before we got together, he had two boats, special-ordered ski’s from Europe, drove around in his fancy BMW, and enjoyed fine dining all the time. After being with me, he could no longer fish (since I am against killing life) or eat lobsters (unless they’re not boiled alive), and I’m always looking to save us money for a brighter future. My husband enjoys living the luxuries of life whereas I tend to focus on building financial security for our future. I told mom that I should also try and find a sense of balance in my life and try to enjoy life as well, within my means, of course. Mom also said that my husband may be happier if he can find a woman who can accept his drinking, and perhaps, even drink some with him as well. I told Mom, I guess so, as long as they do not drink and drive. If that’s the case, then I hope that they will have enough common sense to call a taxi after drinking.
My mom also thought that me going back to practice acupuncture seems like a good idea, which made me feel so happy! I’m most in my element when I’m treating patients. It comes easily and naturally to me, unlike with internet marketing, that I have been trying to do for quite a while now, which bores the heck out of me. I have taught as a professor at an acupuncture school previously, and also taught undergraduate students a health-related course as well. There is so much potential and hidden strengths within me that I need to bring back up to the surface again.
I definitely have to go through my oriental medicine notes, if I want to start treating patients again. I think the best route for me now is to still first and foremost focus on healing my physical and emotional issues, continue to learn about internet marketing so that I can earn a passive income, and to start reviewing my oriental medicine and acupuncture notes. Without Health, there can be no Wealth. Look at Steve Jobs, may he rest in peace. All the money in the world can not bring you health, unless you are willing to work on improving your health yourself as well.
I do find a new sense of hope now! However, my biggest focus right now, is to ensure that I go through with my lipoma surgery for next Wednesday, and take great care afterwards to make sure that are no complications. I pray that this will be so!
Just like what the last scene in this music video above says, that “Someday, someone is going to thank you for letting me go…” I thank you too for setting me free. I will find my true love, someone that I’m compatible with. I sincerely wish that you will too.
Starts with Goodbye
~ Carrie Underwood
I was sitting on my doorstep I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand But I knew I had to do it And he wouldn’t understand
So hard to see myself without him I felt a piece of my heart break But when you’re standing at a crossroad There’s a choice you gotta make
I guess it’s gonna have to hurt I guess I’m gonna have to cry And let go of some things I’ve loved To get to the other side
I guess it’s gonna break me down Like fallin’ when you try to fly Sad but sometimes Moving on with the rest of your life Starts with goodbye
I know there’s a blue horizon Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me Getting there means leaving things behind Sometimes life’s so bitter sweet
I guess it’s gonna have to hurt I guess I’m gonna have to cry And let go of some things I’ve loved To get to the other side
I guess it’s gonna break me down Like fallin’ when you try to fly It’s sad but sometimes Moving on with the rest of your life Starts with goodbye
Time heals the wounds that you feel Somehow, right now
I guess it’s gonna have to hurt I guess I’m gonna have to cry And let go of some things I’ve loved To get to the other side
I guess it’s gonna break me down Like fallin’ when you try to fly It’s sad but sometimes Moving on with the rest of your life Starts with goodbye
I guess I’m gonna have to cry And let go of some things I’ve loved To get to the other side
Start to wave goodbye Like fallin’ when you try to fly It’s sad but sometimes Moving on with the rest of your life Starts with goodbye
Na na na na na na na na na Na na na na na na na na na Na na na na na na na, yeah
