🌺 Journal

After experiencing so many losses and sufferings in my life, and finally being able to start to forgive myself and acknowledge all the emotions that goes through me – sadness, fear, anger, resentment, and the loss of trust…

I am finally starting to be able to understand that we are all suffering and in pain, and we are all trying our best to do the best we can in this world. I am finally starting to be able to forgive them for all of the pain, sadness, anger, resentment and suffering that they have caused me in my life. I am finally starting to be able to have compassion and empathy for what they are going through in their own lives…

Malachy McCourt once said, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” I no longer want to continue to drink poison anymore.

As I am beginning to be able to forgive myself, I am finally beginning to be able to forgive others as well…

Blowin’ in the Wind…

Bob Dylan

How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
How many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, and how many times must the cannonballs fly
Before they’re forever banned?

The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind
The answer is blowin’ in the wind

Yes, and how many years must a mountain exist
Before it is washed to the sea?
And how many years can some people exist
Before they’re allowed to be free?
Yes, and how many times can a man turn his head
And pretend that he just doesn’t see?

The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind
The answer is blowin’ in the wind

Yes, and how many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
And how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, and how many deaths will it take ’til he knows
That too many people have died?

The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind
The answer is blowin’ in the wind

I have difficulty letting go; whether it’s of past events, emotional pain, or of physical belongings. Sometimes, I go through a phase where I will just clean, purge and donate almost everything away. But I feel like it’s an endless cycle; of accumulating memories, feelings, belongings, then having to purge and clean them all over again.

And then a new cycle returns, so this cycle just keeps going on, and on, and on….

When I listen to this song, it inspires me to Let it be, and just let it go, so that I can be free and happy again. Letting go is just a matter of choice. For some, it takes a lifetime of trying, but at the end, they still cling onto the past with hurt, resentment and regrets. For others, it takes just one split second of making that decision to let go, and in that instant, they’ve let the past go.

Let It Be

The Beatles

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be, be

And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me
Shinin’ until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

And let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

When I first heard this song, my interpretation of it was of releasing your constraints in life. Live a life where you know of no boundaries. Dream Big, as even the sky can not limit you. We are living in a universe amongst many other universes. Our thoughts create our reality.

My other interpretation of this song is of World Peace. There is still so much that I have to learn, and so much inner work that I still need to do in order to improve myself, and my attitude towards humanity. But I do know this, I long for world peace. I long for heaven on earth. I long for a world where we all love each other and trust each other. I long for Nirvana.

Imagine

Song by John Lennon

Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace, you

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world, you

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

I have been hurt from love so many times in the past. And it’s all sorts of love, not just romantic love. There’s family love, parental love, siblings love, friendships love, colleagues love, animals love, romantic love, and the love of mankind.

I have been betrayed by love so many times in my life. Felt like my heart was pierced by a knife, with a piece of it ripped out of me.

But all wounds heal with time. It may take a long time to heal, and there may be a scar left. However, with forgiveness, empathy, compassion, and kindness, I can finally look at that scar with understanding of the truth, and no longer feel the pain.

The Rose

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, its only seed

It’s the heart, afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It’s the dream, afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It’s the one who won’t be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying

That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun’s love
In the spring becomes the rose

I AM Just Fine

ALL is Well

Release and Let Go

Live and Let Live

Trust the Process

《傳奇》

作曲：李健 作詞：左右

只是因為在人群中 多看了你一眼 再也沒能忘掉你容顏

夢想著偶然能有一天再相見 從此我開始孤單思念

想你時 你在天邊

想你時 你在眼前

想你時 你在腦海

想你時 你在心田

寧願相信我們前世有約

今生的愛情故事

不會再改變

寧願用這一生等你發現

我一直在你身旁 從未走遠

只是因為在人群中 多看了你一眼

I am so thankful and grateful for all of the Love that I receive from the Universe, from my Family, my Relatives, my Friends, and from Life in general!

I may not be the healthiest, wealthiest and most well-loved person on this earth. But in comparison to a lot of other people, I have a lot!

Happiness comes from within yourself. It’s how you feel towards your own reality. I create my own reality, and it is one filled with love, health, wealth, joy, luck and happiness! 😀

因為愛情

給你一張過去的CD
gěi nǐ yī zhāng guò qù de CD
I give to you an old CD

聽聽那時我們的愛情
tīng tīng nà shí wǒ men de ài qíng
Listen to our love then

有時會突然忘了我還在愛著你
yǒu shí huì tū rán wàng le wǒ hái zài ài zhe nǐ
Sometimes I’ll suddenly forget that I am still in love with you

再唱不出那樣的歌曲
zài chàng bú chū nà yàng de gē qǔ
No longer able to sing such a song

聽到都會紅著臉躲避
tīng dào dōu huì hóng zhe liǎn duǒ bì
Now our faces turn red with embarrassment from the tune

雖然會經常忘了我依然愛著你
suī rán huì jīng cháng wàng le wǒ yī rán ài zhe nǐ
Even though I often forget that I am still in love with you

因為愛情 不會輕易悲傷
yīn wéi ài qíng bú huì qīng yì bēi shāng
Because love will not sadden easily

所以一切都是幸福的模樣
suǒ yǐ yī qiē dōu shì xìng fú de mó yang
Hence everything looks to be like happiness

因為愛情 簡單的生長
yīn wéi ài qíng jiǎn dān de shēng zhǎng
Because love matures simply

依然隨時可以為你瘋狂
yī rán suí shí kě yǐ wéi nǐ fēng kuáng
I can continue to go crazy for you

因為愛情 怎麼會有滄桑
yīn wéi ài qíng zěn me huì yǒu cāng sāng
Because how can time bring great changes to love

所以我們還是年輕的模樣
suǒ yǐ wǒ men hái shì nián qīng de mó yang
Hence we look like we’re still young

因為愛情 在那個地方
yīn wéi ài qíng zài nà gè dì fāng
Because where love is

依然還有人在那裏遊蕩人來人往
yī rán hái yǒu rén zài nà lǐ yóu dàng rén lái rén wǎng
Many people continue to wander over there

My first childhood love played this song for me in his car, while he caressed my body and kissed me all over. We met each other in high school. I was in girls high, and he was in boys high. His sister, my classmate and friend, introduced me to him. We attended the high school dance together. Our first names rhyme, so my classmates used to tease me and sing ‘Helen and ______ sitting in a tree, K__I__S__S__I__N__G’! We had an innocent and sweet love.

We reunited shortly by chance when I was in university. He is a passionate and romantic person. But for some reason, I was unable to accept his love back then.

If I had chosen him, instead of my medical school boyfriend, then I don’t think I would have been in a long-term abusive relationship. I may have even married him, have three kids, and perhaps, even ten grandkids by now. Who knows?

The Twelfth of Never

You ask how much I need you, must I explain?
I need you, oh my darling, like roses need rain.
You ask how long I’ll love you; I’ll tell you true:
Until the twelfth of never, I’ll still be loving you.

Hold me close, never let me go.
Hold me close, melt my heart like April snow.

I’ll love you till the bluebells forget to bloom;
I’ll love you till the clover has lost its perfume.
I’ll love you till the poets run out of rhyme,
Until the twelfth of never and that’s a long, long time.

I often neglect my inner child. When she comes to me with issues, I’ll either say to her “I’m busy right now”, or “I don’t think this is such a big deal”. I think this is why I have auto-immune issues. My inner child finally had it with me one day and decided to self-destruct, and take me along with her.

What do you do when your own body sees you as an enemy and attacks you? If you take immunosuppressive drugs, then external pathogens will take over your body instead.

I am also accident-prone and hurt myself on a constant basis. After starting on the path of self-development; every time I accidentally hurt myself, I will gently stroke where it hurts, comfort my inner child, and say to her “I’m so sorry baby. I’m so sorry baby”. I think my inner child is fed up with me though, since I get hurt so often. She’s trapped inside a clumsy body…

We don’t have much in common. We don’t share an emotional connection. But it was time for me to settle down. I told dad I don’t feel that he is my true love… Dad told me that sometimes the person you marry is not necessarily the person you love the most. I listened to dad, and it was time for me to settle down, so I took the plunge…

Many many years later, we’re still together. I believe (or at least I would like to) that we do love each other. However, we have not been in love with each other for many years now. We’re more distant than roommates are with each other. We hardly talk, and we don’t connect on an emotional level. We still don’t have much in common after all these years …

As miserable and trapped as I feel, I would like to believe that he feels the same way as well. There’s a saying, that if the shoe does not fit you, then give it someone that it does fit to enjoy instead. With him, I will forever feel like I’m Cinderella, because I can not fit into this glass slipper. Yet, I still hold onto it…. Is it time to let it go? Can I find the glass slipper that fits me so that I can turn into a fairytale princess?

I think I had met two romantic soulmates in my life. One, was never meant to be. The other, we were so close, yet so far apart. We were so close to getting married. One night, after a night of passion, he said to me ‘Let’s go now. Let’s go to Vegas now and get married’. I didn’t think that was the ‘proper’ way to get married, so I said ‘No’. I said that I wanted the whole nine yards; the diamond ring, the engagement, the wedding, all of that….. If I had said ‘Yes’, then perhaps we’d still be together now? Perhaps, we would have been able to work through all of our issues together?

Forever Love

愛妳　不是因為妳的美而已　

我越來越愛妳　每個眼神觸動我的心

因為妳讓我看見Forever 才瞭解自己　

未來這些日子　要好好珍惜

愛我　有些痛苦　有些不公平　

如果真的愛我　不是理所當然的決定

感到妳的呼吸在我耳邊　像微風神奇　

溫柔的安撫　我的不安定

所以我要　

每天研究妳的笑容

Oh 多麼自然

*Forever love　

Forever love　

我只想用我這一輩子去愛妳 　

從今以後　妳會是所有　幸福的理由

愛情　是場最美最遠的旅行　

沿途遇經泥濘　偶爾阻礙我們的前進

感到妳的體溫在我懷裡　像陽光和絢　

巧妙的融化　我的不安定

不可思議　證明我愛妳的理由

Oh 多麼自然

Forever Love

Forever Love

我只想用我這一輩子去愛妳

從今以後　妳會是所有　幸福的理由

妳感動的眼睛　我沉默的聲音　彷彿就是最好的證明

就讓我再說一次　

I love you oh (直到永遠)

Forever love　

Forever love

我只想用我這一輩子去愛妳 　

從今以後　

妳會是所有　

幸福的理由　

Forever love

Forever love　

Forever love