The energy of this month is LOVE! I appreciate the energy of love I experience in my relationships with others, all the while remembering that it is far more critical to practice self-love. As I learn to love myself more, I learn to love everyone more. Love flows through me and out into the world, and I watch as it returns to me tenfold.
🥰 The Next Person that I AM with is Someone that Explicitly Expresses His Love and Commitment to Me Freely and For Always! 🌹
💐 He Is Single and Available and is Ready to Commit! I AM Single and Available, and I Will NOT Settle! 🌺
🥊 He will NOT be a Cheater! Liar! Thief! Emotionally Unavailable Narcissist! or Addict!!! 🥊
Affirmations for the Month:
🌹 I Am Open and Ready to Give & Receive Love for the Highest Good! 💗
Only GOOD Enters and Stays in My Life! 💗
Afformations for the Month:
💗 WHY IS MY LIPOMA SURGERY RECOVERY SO EASY, PAIN-FREE, SUCCESSFUL, AND COMPLICATIONS-FREE??!!? 😛
💗 Why is it So Easy for My Soulmate and I to Be Healthy, Happy, Wealthy Being Together; and to Be Totally in Love with Each Other? Why Do We Complete Each Other So Easily in the Mind, Body, Spirit, Soul, Sexually and Financially?
💗 Why was it So Easy and So Fast for My Perfect Soulmate to Approach Me, and to BE in Perfect Long Lasting Union with Me? 🥰
💗 Why is it So Easy for 2022 to Be the Best Year of My Life, So Far!? 😍
💗 Why AM I So Happy, Healthy, Wealthy, Focused, Lean, Strong, Lucky, Protected and Well-Loved!? 😛
Focuses for the Quadrimester:
January: Heal from my Lipoma Surgery! 😃
February: Join the DivorceCare In-Person Weekly Support Group, and start meeting new friends! 🥰
March: Get our tax preparation in order! 🤓
April: File our taxes! 💰. Start preparing to renew my California Acupuncture License (50 CEU’s before April 2023)! 💗
Tuesday – 1 – Pace Yourself:
Pacing yourself is key to loving your life. You can’t expect to be serene if you are constantly hurried and pressured. Pacing yourself boosts your vitality and prevents burnout. Even making micro=shifts in your pacing will improve your energy.
Intention: I will take a mindful look at the pace of my life and create a more balanced routine. I will avoid rushing and overscheduling myself.
Affirmation: As I quiet down and focus on the beautiful things in my life, I open myself up to my own healing powers.
Wednesday – 2 – Physical Movement: The Fountain of Youth:
Intention: I will move my body every day to strengthen myself and release stress. I will view exercise as a mindful meditation rather than a competitive sprint to the finish line.
Affirmation: I release whatever I am not using, and polish to a high gloss those things that give me joy!
Thursday – 3 – the Sacred Ritual of Bathing:
I wash my body and mind. Clear and shining. Free from dust. Free from stress. Free from fear. Pure and shining. Within and without.
Intention: I will immerse myself in water and be cleansed of all toxic emotions or stress. I will let water take all my cares away. I will relax into this rejuvenating experience.
Affirmation: I AM creating lots of room in my life for love! 💖
Friday – 4 – Simplicity and Minimalism:
Many empaths are drawn to simplifying their lives to decrease stimulation and reduce sensory overload. Plus, it just feels liberating to not be so busy or have so many possessions.
You can find happiness more in life itself rather than in accumulating things. Less can be more!
A [person] is rich in proportion to the number of things [they] can afford to let alone ~ Henry David Thoreau.
Intention: I will feel how freeing it is to simplify my life by planning fewer activities and letting go of some possessions. I will observe how this opens up time and space so I am better able to enjoy the moment.
Affirmation: Love opens all doors. I let the love flow through me lavishly, abundantly, and generously! 💖
Saturday – 5 – Feeling Things Intensely:
Empaths have sensitive neurological systems that react quickly to input. You experience life passionately, and you’re more unguarded.
Always plan adequate time for quietude to balance your intensity with calm. Once you embrace your ability to feel deeply, you will attract others who value this quality in you.
Intention: I will not pretend to be someone I’m not or repress my emotions. I will accept that I have strong feelings. I will seek out people and situations that support my sensitivities.
Affirmation: All Is Well! and Even Better Things Are Coming My Way!!!
Sunday – 6 – Being Alone Versus Being Lonely:
Taking regular periods of alone time is an empath’s salvation. Being alone lets you stop interacting with people and responding to their needs.
But being lonely feels different from being alone. It is a painful separation from a nurturing source, whether that is self, Spirit, or community. Sometimes, when you are alone, loneliness will arise. Don’t resist it. We all feel lonely at times.
Whether you experience loneliness a little or a lot, this emotion alerts you to reconnect with a wellspring of love.
You are never really alone. Spirit is always with you. So, if you’re feeling lonely, then focus on your heart and on Spirit. Also, try reaching out for support rather than simply retreating from the world, as empaths tend to do. Love will help your loneliness subside.
Intention: I will make room for alone time each day to rejuvenate myself. Feeling lonely reminds me to reunite with love. At those times, I will connect more deeply with Spirit and True friends.
Affirmation: Today, I give myself the gift of freedom from the past. I move with joy into the now.
Monday – 7 – Soul Friends:
Intention: I will be open to finding soul friends with whom I feel a special connection. Even if I don’t have one now, holding this desire in my heart will help draw them in.
Affirmation: I keep my inner child happy, and I am happy too!
Tuesday – 8 – An Empath’s Open Heart:
Empaths are blessed with open, loving hearts. Your emotions run deep, as does our intuition.
Thriving as an empath means learning to care about yourself as much as you care about the world.
Though loving so much can hurt too, your heart makes you strong and bright and pure.
As part of self-care, you must become the protector of your open heart. How? Say NO to anyone who wants to make you small. Practice positive self-talk to reverse your negative thinking.
I AM enough. I AM loving. I AM growing stronger and more confident!
Intention: I will value and protect my open heart and choose relationships that support it. My ability to love brings light into my life and the world.
Affirmation: I release all criticism and only give out that which I wish to receive in return.
Wednesday – 9 – Marry Yourself:
The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. Nurturing this bond will keep you healthy, happy, and whole.
Intention: I commit to love, honor, and cherish myself. I will be devoted to my self-care and growth always, whether or not I am in an intimate relationship.
Affirmation: I am filled with boundless energy. I awaken each morning eager for the new experiences to come!
Thursday – 10 – Attracting Love:
A basic law of energy is that you attract who you are. The more love and positivity you emit, the more you will bring to yourself. We are all subtle energy transmitters. We are constantly sending out signals that others on similar frequencies receive.
Your healing work is to acknowledge your own worthiness. Then you can attract people who are capable of loving.
When your goal is to treasure yourself and heal any fears that close your heart, love will open its arms to you and satisfy what you have been yearning for.
Intention: I AM a loving person. I AM worthy of love. I will attract the kind of love that supports my body and my soul!
Affirmation: I charge a fair price for my services, and everyone around me benefits.
Friday – 11 – I Want to Love and I Want to Be Alone:
Intimacy becomes possible for empaths when they can authentically express their needs. A core part of self-care is identifying your intimacy needs and expressing them to your partner. Being authentic paves the way for conscious communication.
Intention: I will honestly express my empathic needs in a relationship, including my need for downtime and to be alone. I deserve to feel relaxed and happy with a partner.
Affirmation: I love and accept myself, and I am a magnet for wonderful friendships.
Saturday – 12 – Don’t Get Seduced by Someone’s “Potential” :
Recognizing a person’s positive qualities is wonderful. However, to have clarity in your relationships and avoid choosing the wrong people, try to see others for who they are, not who you hope they can become. It’s easy to be seduced by someone’s potential, especially for empaths who are thrilled to find the best in others and who think, “My love can bring out this person’s highest self.”
However, the reality is often quite different. Although you may be intuiting the real potential in a prospective mate such as a desire for an intimate relationship, you can’t force them to commit. Don’t obsess about how connected you feel to this person or indulge the thought “With time, they will come around.” They need to have some emotional awareness and desire for introspection so they can do the ongoing inner work of relationships. Releasing the fantasy of what could be will keep you from losing years trying to improve someone and being hurt in the process.
Intention: I will not get fooled by someone’s “potential.” I will not keep hoping that someone will change or get lost in a fantasy of who they could become.
Affirmation: Water is my favorite beverage. It replenishes and refreshes me, and just makes me feel good.
Sunday – 13 – Feeling Safe to Open Your Heart :
The way someone treats others reflects how they will treat you once the bliss of the honeymoon phase fades. Behavior is more trustworthy than words.
Intention: I will be open to a positive relationship with someone who can reciprocate my caring. I will be with someone who can both give and receive love.
Affirmation: Long-lasting, loving relationships brighten my life.
Monday – 14 – The Sacredness of Committment :
One of the most sacred actions you can take is to commit to the power of love. Valentine’s Day is an auspicious opportunity to do this.
I commit to living a life based on love, not fear. I commit to being loving with myself. I commit to my own spiritual growth, honor my feelings, and to speak my truth.
Intention: I will not be afraid to commit to what I love. I will let my love flow freely. I want to be totally present for the moments of my life.
Affirmation: I can work miracles in my life and begin to do so NOW!
Tuesday – 15 – The Three-Minute Heart Meditation:
Intention: Practice meditation each day to center myself, release stress, and cultivate loving-kindness. It is a practical form of self-care that I can use many times a day.
Affirmation: My talents are in demand, and my unique gifts are appreciated by those around me.
Wednesday – 16 – Boundaries and Intimacy:
Boundaries protect you and help you feel safe. Without them, you might start resenting a behavior that annoys you about your partner, or you might get exhausted from giving too much to a friend.
Internalizing stress is a setup for developing physical symptoms, depression, and anxiety.
Creating boundaries is good for your health and your relationships, but it takes practice. Do it with kindness, without being confrontational.
Set one boundary at a time rather than tackling many at once. Speaking up will create a more honest and happier relationship.
Intention: I will practice setting a boundary today. I will begin with an easy issue rather than one with an intense emotional charge. I will also start with a supportive person rather than asserting myself with my father or my boss.
Affirmation: I appreciate and care for my body. My cells have eternal youth!
Thursday – 17 – Suffocation vs Abandonment:
Intention: I will appreciate the fine line between feeling suffocated and feeling abandoned. I will convey my personal space needs and how much interaction feels good. This will help me have closer relationships.
Affirmation: I Love Life! I look forward to every moment!
Friday – 18 – The Difference Between Lust and Love:
Lust is driven by the primal urge to procreate.
Love can involve physical attraction, but you also want to get to know someone. This intimacy keeps deepening and leads to better sex. You listen to each other’s feelings and priorities. Love is about genuinely caring for someone and becoming good friends rather than simply a physiological “high.” At the start of a relationship you may feel lust along with the beginnings of love. However, enduring love isn’t based on idealization or projection. Real love is proven over time. It’s something you must live into.
Intention: I will know the difference between lust and love. This will protect my sensitivities and keep my expectations of a potential partner realistic. I will always ask myself if my tender heart feels safe in a romantic situation.
Affirmation: For every problem that I may create, I am confident that I can find a solution.
Saturday – 19 – There is No Such Thing as Casual Sex :
When you touch someone, energy is communicated. Since empaths are so sensitive to energy, there is no such thing as casual sex. You can absorb a partner’s stress, fear, and happiness into your own body. You may also receive intuitions about their thoughts and feelings. Sex is always an energy exchange. A lot of nonverbal information comes through physical contact.
Intention: I will remember that intimate contact conveys powerful energy. I will make wise choices about my physical relationships.
Affirmation: I now release all inner resistance and doubt. I trust Life.
Sunday – 20 – Sleeping Alone or Together:
Intention: I will create sleeping arrangements that feel comfortable to me. I will not suffer silently when sound or movement disrupts my sleep. I will honestly discuss this issue with my partner.
Affirmation: I do not struggle alone in the wilderness of life. Whenever I need help, I ask.
Monday – 21 – Release Your Partner’s Stress :
Intention: I will have a plan for dealing with my partner’s stress. I will be prepared to center myself and hold a loving space for them, but I don’t see it as my job to fix their problems.
Affirmation: My garden of affirmations is bearing fruit.
Tuesday – 22 – Stop Controlling People:
A way to let go of control is to detach with love. You can hold loving thoughts for someone but allow them to live and learn at their own pace, including making their own mistakes.
Intention: I will let others lead their own lives. I will address my own anxiety when I become overcontrolling. I will let go and turn the results of a situation over to Spirit.
Affirmation: Love is the miracle cure. Loving myself works miracles in my life.
Wednesday – 23 – Soulmate or Cell Mate?:
Intention: I will have realistic expectations of a soul mate and not think of them as my savior. I will take responsibility for my own growth. I want to heal anything in myself that keeps me from loving.
Affirmation: I only choose thoughts that create a wonderful future, and I move into it Now!
Thursday – 24 – Living Comfortably with Unresolved Problems:
Intention: If I reach a block in communicating with someone, I will take a rest rather than forcing the topic. I will have faith that my intuition and the universe will help us find the answers.
Affirmation: My personality is flexible; it is easy for me to change. My inner being is consistent. I am always safe.
Friday – 25 – Communicating with a Non-Empath:
Intention: I will educate my loved ones about my experience as an empath. I will be patient and not overload them with too much information at once. I will answer their questions and let them assimilate what I’m sharing in their own time.
Affirmation: I have faith in the unlimited loving power of the Universe.
Saturday – 26 – A Light Touch in Relationships:
Intention: I don’t have to work so hard in relationships. I don’t have to be overly serious. I will breathe more and ask Spirit for assistance.
Affirmation: On the highway of Life, I find my way easily.
Sunday – 27 – You Don’t Need to Be Perfect :
Intention: As I keep growing, I will appreciate my progress. I will not be fooled by the illusion of perfection. I will accept my whole self and know that I am a fantastic work in progress.
Affirmation: I exercise because it is not only good for me, but also fun!
Monday – 28 – Navigating Social Situations:
Intention: To relieve the pressure in social situations, I will recognize my empathic needs and act on them. I don’t have to be stuck in situations that I’m uncomfortable with.
Affirmation: I choose to feel good about myself, today and every day!
Being safe in the external environment is a major initial goal in therapy for traumatized people who are still threatened in their present-day life.
However, even though many traumatized people are (relatively) safe in their environment, they still do not feel safe. Thus, a major goal in therapy is to establish a sense of inner safety, of being safe with yourself, all parts of yourself, with your inner experiences.
An inner sense of safety, also referred to as a safe state (O’Shea, 2009), is the awareness of feeling relaxed and calm in the present moment, when there is no actual threat or danger.
1. Developing an Inner Sense of Safety:
Inner safety is strongly related to being able to be present in the here and now, and in feeling secure in at least one or two trusting relationships with other people.
Traumatized individuals often do not feel safe with their own inner experiences, that is, with some of their own emotions, thoughts, sensations, and other actions of dissociative parts.
Subsequent avoidance of inner experience makes it hard to stay present, and it sets in motion an inner cycle of fear, criticism, and shame, adding yet more to a lack of inner safety.
If the concept of “safety” seems too foreign to you, you may think instead of a pleasant and calm place, a place where you feel understood and accepted, or perhaps a place where you are alone and know you will not be disturbed.
2. Ways to Create a Sense of Inner Safety:
a. Being in the Present:
You can train yourself to consciously let go of inner tension, to allow all parts of you to notice this moment of safety and well-being, of relaxation and inner quiet, even though at first these moments may be few and far between.
A sense of safety can occur when all parts of you can agree to at least temporarily let go of inner conflicts and criticism and to focus on the present moment.
This may be difficult to achieve and may not last long in the beginning, but you will find that all parts of you appreciate this state, and the more you practice, the easier it will become.
b. Developing Imaginary Inner Safe Places:
Individuals with a dissociative disorder typically experience a vicious cycle of rage, shame, fear, and hopelessness inside that contributes to a lack of inner safety.
Some parts are angry and critical, while others are hurting, afraid, or ashamed. There are often strong conflicts among these different parts. The more parts express their pain, the angrier and more hurtful other parts become, because they cannot tolerate what they consider to be “weakness.”
The more angry and critical parts are toward other parts, the more these parts suffer. This creates an endless loop of inner misery and lack of safety.
Angry parts feel some relief once they learn that terrified or hurting parts are quieter when they feel safer.
Thus, you are able to reduce conflict by helping both types of parts simultaneously. Once you are able to develop an inner imaginary safe space, all parts of you can experience it and have it available anytime you need or want.
For example, when some parts of the personality are overwhelmed, and you need to accomplish an important task, these parts may go to the safe place to rest while you complete your task.
Such parts may feel calmer in an imaginary safe place until such time that they can focus on their healing during therapy.
Some people find that one imaginary place is sufficient for all parts of themselves, while others feel the need for different places that match the differing needs of parts. And of course, inner safe places should always be paired with efforts to ensure your safety with other people and in the world. You cannot have an inner sense of safety without actually being safe!
3. Example of Imaginary Inner Safe Place:
Although technically not spaces, some people like the image of protective covering: space suit, suit of armor, invisible force field, invisible cloak (for more of this type of imagery, see “The Store” exercise in chapter 14).
4. Your Safe Place:
You may want a safe (or quiet) place for all parts of yourself together, or some parts may want their own place. Pay close attention to what various parts of you want or need. Remember that imagination is limitless and can be continually adapted as your needs change.
Remember that a prime rule is not to criticize or judge parts for what they imagine, and for what they want or need, even if you do not agree. Perhaps not all parts of you can yet participate; that is fine. Just start where you are able.
A safe place should be a private place that only you know about, and that no one else can find or intrude upon without your permission. If you feel especially unsafe, you can imagine that your place is surrounded by a fence, a wall, a special invisible field, or an alarm system.
You are in charge of whether you allow other people there. You can also negotiate with all parts to respect each other’s places and not intrude or “visit” without permission.
Feel free to add anything you want in this place to improve your sense of comfort, well-being, and safety.
Any part of you may go to a safe place at any time. Some parts may voluntarily go to a safe place when there has been some inner collaboration and agreement that this might provide temporary relief or containment. However, never try to shut away or hide parts to get rid of them!
A literal safe place at home is also important for many people. You can create a special room or corner of a room that represents your safe place. You may add items to this place that represent safety and calm to you. Choose colors and textures that are pleasant or quieting, objects that have a positive meaning to you, photographs of people who care about you, or of places that you find pleasant.
5. Homework:
a. Developing an Inner Sense of Safety and Safe Places
