I went to the gym to walk on the treadmill after my husband came home from work this afternoon.
While driving, especially after blowing the hot air for a while, I started to faintly smell alcohol in the air. I’m very sensitive and especially with me being alcohol intolerant, my tongue starts getting a tingling sensation and some numbness when I’m in the presence of alcohol, especially in the air.
Oftentimes, when my husband comes home and I greet him, he looks at me with these very angry eyes but I have no idea why he is so angry with me? Sometimes, just that one angry stare from him sends my stomach into spasms and then I end up with stomach pain for the rest of the day.
I wonder if he’s angry because as much as he hates me stopping him from drinking, he’s even more angry at himself for drinking, and thus, also angry at me for not stopping him from drinking?
I don’t know what to do. When we’re not on good terms, he’s drinking. When we’re on good terms, he’s also drinking. When I only let him use credit cards and bring me back itemized receipts, he still manages to find cash to drink. And now I find out that he has been drinking since a year ago because the company that he spends most of the time every day has their fridge constantly stocked with alcohol.
He’s told me before that beer does nothing for him. So, I know that he’s buying hard liquor, and will have to up the dose over time, in order to feel the same effect as before. The amount of money he took from our bank accounts is enough for him to drink himself to death, and many times over.
When we were still in California, we went to see a hepatologist and found out that he has liver cirrhosis, and yet, he still drinks.
Even though we are getting divorced, I will always love and care for him as a family member. However, I don’t know how to help him. I feel so powerless and helpless. I felt sadness and compassion for him this afternoon. I don’t know what else to do. I’m turning to you, God, to please help him.
My Prayer
Dear God
Thank you for always letting me feel your presence
Thank you for having your angels protecting me permanently at all times
Please do not forsake him, for he is also your child
Please find a way for him to feel your presence and your love
Please help him to want to seek help for his emotional issues and his addiction
Please let him know that he deserves love and is loved by you for always,
Just as I feel loved by you for always
Please help him God
Please help him
Thank you
Amen