December 17th, 2021 (Friday) at 11:56am
I called and asked my soon-to-be ex-husband to tell me if there’s any other withdrawals he has made so that I don’t end up in shock with more surprises later on. He paused for a second and then told me that he withdrew all the money from our other joint checking accounts with another bank. I logged on and saw that he had been doing it bit by bit since the beginning of November. I really have been kept in the dark for a very long time. I’m just in shock….
December 17th, 2021 (Friday) at 10:24am
I was paying my husband’s 4th quarter estimated taxes for both the IRS and the state and wanted to make sure that there’s enough money in our bank account. I logged on and saw that there were two lump sums of money transferred out of our bank accounts. I proceeded to call our bank to report fraudulent withdrawals made from our bank account but then hung up and decided to call my husband first and make sure that he doesn’t have anything to do with it.
I told him that I don’t want to accuse him of anything, so want to ask him first. He said right away that it’s him. He made a huge withdrawal even before he told me that he wanted a divorce on December 4th, and another huge withdrawal days after.
I asked him if he ever planned on letting me know about this? He didn’t answer that. I guess he figured that I’ll find out sooner or later when I eventually log onto our account online.
He also told me that he had already called his parents before December 4th to tell them that he’s getting divorced and told them not to bother contacting him again. He hadn’t been in contact with them for years and I tried to repair our relationship with his parents a few years ago. His family have been texting me and then I’ll text them back on our behalf, and then forward our messages to my husband. I told him that I was planning on continuing to do that even after our divorce just so that his family will have a peace of mind, but he said that it’s no longer necessary.
I am honestly in shock. I am an open book, too honest of a person. I tell him everything that’s on my mind. I wasn’t expecting that he had already done all these things without telling me before, during, or even after the fact. I feel sick…
December 16th, 2021 (Thursday) at 7:06pm
My husband needed the car for the entire day so I stayed at home, journaled, did my stretches, and cleaned up the townhouse. He just got home now and I still as usual, took his stuff for him. I wipe his phone with alcohol every day when he comes home, clear his phone’s browsing history and put his phone into airplane mode. I also put my phone into airplane mode at night and have been very careful with leaving our wifi or bluetooth on ever since all of our devices and accounts got hacked a few years ago.
I normally just clear his browsing history but for some unknown reason, I decided today to look at his browsing history. I don’t know if it’s the Universe that wanted me to do this or what, but guess what I found? Him doing a whole bunch of Google searches on “promise ring princess-cut diamond”. Besides suspecting that he had been drinking (which he denied completely until I actually saw the beer cans in his backpack), I also have been suspecting that he is seeing someone else.
I told him just now that I know that we are getting a divorce, but I also deserve to know the truth. I told him that I don’t normally check his browsing history and just clear it, but for some reason, I looked at it today and saw that he was searching for “promise ring princess-cut diamond”. I asked him if he was seeing someone. He said “No”. I asked him why then would he be searching for this. He said that it’s for work, that they’re doing some kind of project, which I really find it hard to believe. To be THAT specific in typing “promise ring” under the search terms just did not make any sense whatsoever. I asked him when has he started seeing this person and he said that he’s not seeing anyone. So I said to him, “Ok, let me ask it this way. Are you seeing or have you been seeing anyone in the past two years?”, and he still said ‘No”.
Knowing the kind of gaslighting narcissist that he is, I really can not believe anything that he says. He has lied to me in the past regarding his drinking, with red shot eyes and alcohol breath coming out of his mouth.
I just chose to walk away. This just helps me to feel even better now knowing that we’re getting divorced.
I’m really starting to wonder now. He had not been home for even longer periods of time every day and yet he hardly brought home any income from his independent contracting jobs for the past few months. I wonder if he has opened a new bank account and just directed his clients to transfer most of the money into that secret bank account instead?
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December 16th, 2021 (Thursday) at 12:04pm
My ex called me a few days ago and I told him about my husband’s car being totaled, that he had started drinking again since a year ago, and that he has asked for a divorce. I told my ex about my timeline; that I plan on focusing on taking care of my physical and emotional health while I still have health insurance under my husband, and then I plan on moving back to California sometime next year before the snow falls.
I asked my ex to start thinking of something for me to do there, like maybe joining him with his online business. My ex suggested that we open a health clinic together and I start treating patients again. My ex has actually been asking me to open an acupuncture clinic with him for quite a while now.
My ex said that it seems like being a healthcare practitioner is what suits me the best, which I think may be true as well. I was doing great as a contact tracer for both North Dakota and Minnesota. However, after my case died I fell into depression right away. I think the main reason is also because I already have PTSD myself, so being in the presence of death was just too much for me. I was afraid that if I continued to be a contact tracer and another case died on me, then I may fall into a permanent state of deep depression, and may even end up having thoughts of ending my own life. I guess I’ll have to thank my supervisor back then for strongly recommending that I get counseling, which I wasn’t prepared to do so at the time, but am finally doing now.
This got me thinking about my relationship between my ex and my husband. My ex really knows me well. He knows of my strengths and my weaknesses, and what I really appreciate about him is that he’ll always be able to find a way to magnify my strengths. This is in contrast to my husband, whom I also think is aware of my strengths and my weaknesses, but would rather focus on my weaknesses, e.g. being easily fatigued, hard to follow through with what I’m doing, and can not handle stress well, etc.
My ex thinks that I am an innocent, kind-hearted, and trusting person, that often gets taken advantage of. On the other hand, my husband sees that as me being a gullible and weak person.
I am really thankful to my ex for bringing up this idea, as I believe that this may be a new direction that I can take in my life now. Ever since my sister got institutionalized 2 years ago, I’ve been having this constant internal struggle of feeling that I need to go back and live in Taiwan in order to take care of her and my mother, especially once my father passes on. However, I feel so stressed because I do not know how to adapt to the environment in Taiwan that is very crowded and noisy. Even in the US, I struggle constantly to find a quiet and peaceful sanctuary to live in, so how am I supposed to find a quiet place on a tiny island that is 3.9 times smaller than Florida, yet populated with 23.57 million occupants?
My ex’s suggestion has got me thinking that I may be able to live in both Taiwan and California. Before Covid, there were direct flights between Taiwan and California almost daily, and now they’re starting to pick back up again. My ex is also a licensed acupuncturist as well. In fact, he even went on and got his doctoral degree, which from hindsight, I probably should have gotten as well. However, I just thought to myself that I am already a dentist, have a MBA degree, and am a licensed acupuncturist, so do I really want to spend more time and money on getting another degree, or shouldn’t I just focus on doing something more productive instead, like earning a consistent income?
I have kept my California acupuncture license current all these years, and it’s just a matter of paperwork and paying the application fees to get my Minnesota acupuncture license as well. I needed to get the national (NCCAOM) certification in order to apply for my Minnesota license, which I obtained towards the end of 2019.
In fact, I was planning on getting my Minnesota acupuncture license, and then starting to treat patients in retirement homes just before Covid struck in the beginning of 2020. My acupuncture technique is gentle and relaxing, especially because I am very sensitive myself, so I know how uncomfortable it feels with strong needling. Some acupuncturists believe in the “No Pain, No Gain” theory, so they needle the patients strongly. However, I believe that pain can cause your body to secrete stress hormones, which in turn, impedes your body’s natural healing process. I feel that it is much better to let your body be in a relaxed state so that it can function optimally in order for you to heal.
Our acupuncture school has three tracks: English, Chinese, and Korean. I specifically took the English track, so that I would know better how to communicate with English-speaking patients about Oriental medicine, acupuncture, Chinese herbs, and stress management, etc. I also read through the Chinese Oriental medicine books myself, so that I get the best of both worlds and can communicate well with both English-speaking, and Mandarin-speaking patients.
When I was working as an acupuncturist in Ventura County, I was able to attract many patients that loved me. Since I was just starting off, I decided to only take private patients, and was charging $120 for each one-hour session, or $100 for each one-hour session if they purchased a 10-session treatment package. I was doing well, given that I had just started not long ago, but then my husband got his third DUI.
Being a co-dependent, and being brought up believing that my marriage should be the most important thing in my life, I took upon the complete responsibility of driving my husband to work, driving back home, picking him up from work and then driving us back home again, which can take up to 4 hours a day, depending on the traffic. He did rent a room closer to his workplace for a while, but then after he got out of jail, we just decided that it’s easier for him to stay at home and I drive him every day, everywhere. This includes his mandatory DUI classes, and taking him to see the doctor for his health issues and his pituitary microadenoma, etc.
It took a complete tow on my health. I had stomach pains every day, was unable to sleep, and was constantly in pain. I stopped treating patients, and just went on a downward spiral, and still have not been able to recover fully up to this day. To be fair, it’s not entirely my husband’s fault regarding my work situation. My husband has not ever put pressure on me to earn an income, except when his company went under in 2019, where he was constantly telling me to go and get a job. I don’t blame him though, as he was very stressed out about our future. I did try different things, such as building an online business, and doing some stock trading, etc. However, I’ve come to realize that I do not cope with stress well. The stock swing trading also took a complete toll on my health as well. To be fair, if my husband didn’t work so hard to make sure we didn’t have to worry about getting bills paid, then I would have had to be more consistent in earning an income as well.
I spoke with Mom this morning and told her about my conversation with my ex. I told Mom that this may be the best of both worlds since I’ll still be able to spend a lot of time each year with her and my sister, and also live in California as well. My ex can cover my patients when I’m back in Taiwan, or even better, we can just employ an acupuncturist to come and work for us, if our business starts to pick up. I am well aware that most startup businesses fail within the first 5 years, but I think that it’s still worth a try, right? My ex has very good business sense, so I do believe that he will be able to set up a successful clinic for us. One of his colleagues is also doing well with treating acupuncture patients and he charges $60/session for cash-based patients, or gets reimbursed $40/session for insurance-based patients, which I think is pretty doable as well.
I told Mom that my husband may also be more happy without me. Before we got together, he had two boats, special-ordered ski’s from Europe, drove around in his fancy BMW, and enjoyed fine dining all the time. After being with me, he could no longer fish (since I am against killing life) or eat lobsters (unless they’re not boiled alive), and I’m always looking to save us money for a brighter future. My husband enjoys living the luxuries of life whereas I tend to focus on building financial security for our future. I told mom that I should also try and find a sense of balance in my life and try to enjoy life as well, within my means, of course. Mom also said that my husband may be happier if he can find a woman who can accept his drinking, and perhaps, even drink some with him as well. I told Mom, I guess so, as long as they do not drink and drive. If that’s the case, then I hope that they will have enough common sense to call a taxi after drinking.
My mom also thought that me going back to practice acupuncture seems like a good idea, which made me feel so happy! I’m most in my element when I’m treating patients. It comes easily and naturally to me, unlike with internet marketing, that I have been trying to do for quite a while now, which bores the heck out of me. I have taught as a professor at an acupuncture school previously, and also taught undergraduate students a health-related course as well. There is so much potential and hidden strengths within me that I need to bring back up to the surface again.
I definitely have to go through my oriental medicine notes, if I want to start treating patients again. I think the best route for me now is to still first and foremost focus on healing my physical and emotional issues, continue to learn about internet marketing so that I can earn a passive income, and to start reviewing my oriental medicine and acupuncture notes. Without Health, there can be no Wealth. Look at Steve Jobs, may he rest in peace. All the money in the world can not bring you health, unless you are willing to work on improving your health yourself as well.
I do find a new sense of hope now! However, my biggest focus right now, is to ensure that I go through with my lipoma surgery for next Wednesday, and take great care afterwards to make sure that are no complications. I pray that this will be so!
Just like what the last scene in this music video above says, that “Someday, someone is going to thank you for letting me go…” I thank you too for setting me free. I will find my true love, someone that I’m compatible with. I sincerely wish that you will too.
Starts with Goodbye
~ Carrie Underwood
I was sitting on my doorstep
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand
But I knew I had to do it
And he wouldn’t understand
So hard to see myself without him
I felt a piece of my heart break
But when you’re standing at a crossroad
There’s a choice you gotta make
I guess it’s gonna have to hurt
I guess I’m gonna have to cry
And let go of some things I’ve loved
To get to the other side
I guess it’s gonna break me down
Like fallin’ when you try to fly
Sad but sometimes
Moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye
I know there’s a blue horizon
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me
Getting there means leaving things behind
Sometimes life’s so bitter sweet
I guess it’s gonna have to hurt
I guess I’m gonna have to cry
And let go of some things I’ve loved
To get to the other side
I guess it’s gonna break me down
Like fallin’ when you try to fly
It’s sad but sometimes
Moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye
Time heals the wounds that you feel
Somehow, right now
I guess it’s gonna have to hurt
I guess I’m gonna have to cry
And let go of some things I’ve loved
To get to the other side
I guess it’s gonna break me down
Like fallin’ when you try to fly
It’s sad but sometimes
Moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye
I guess I’m gonna have to cry
And let go of some things I’ve loved
To get to the other side
Start to wave goodbye
Like fallin’ when you try to fly
It’s sad but sometimes
Moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye
Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na, yeah