I am an empath. I was born into a family of narcissists – my father and my brother. I also married a narcissist. The main difference between an empath and a narcissist is that narcissists do not have empathy, i.e. put themselves in other people’s shoes. Empaths have a natural ability to be empathic and often have boundary issues.
When I ask my husband to put himself in other people’s shoes, he’s able to do that and understand more about why the person said or did what they said or did. However, it is something that he has to intentionally do when being asked to.
Empaths have difficulty in setting boundaries for themselves. We have difficulty in knowing where our boundary ends and often have others extend into our boundary.
I am Miss Goody Two Shoes. Growing up in a very traditional family, I always felt that I’m supposed to do everything that the “norm” does, i.e. get a good educational degree, get married, have children, and have grandchildren, etc.
Seems that the Universe had other plans for me. I spent years of my life and my health to become a dentist, and yet, ended up feeling sick, experiencing pain, and having mild scoliosis due to long term poor posture. That was a huge turning point in my life. I was no longer following the “status quo” in our society. That was the first time I slowly started to realize that I have been living my life according to my parent’s dreams, and not my own. I don’t even know what I like or dislike anymore? It was all about people pleasing.
After learning more on my spiritual journey, I started to realize the reasons behind my beliefs and behavioral practices. I was an “accident”. Dad said nicely that I was a “pleasant accident”. However, I think I have that imprinted in my memory before I was even born. That I was not supposed to be born, and it was because of my parent’s mercy that I was allowed to be born. I think that’s why I have people-pleasing tendencies since I was a young child.
I remember after every dinner meal, I will tell mom, “Mom, thank you for dinner. It was delicious”, even when it wasn’t. Mom didn’t even seem to appreciate it as she probably got so used to hearing me saying it night after night.
We had two Doberman Pinschers back in South Africa that we raised since they were puppies, Jet a male, and Rora, a female. Jet was the first dog we’ve ever had, so we didn’t know how to raise him properly. I think Jet was an empath too. I say “was” because this was over 25 years ago, and I’m assuming that he has passed on to heaven now. Rora was a lot more fortunate as we kind of had an inkling as to how to raise a puppy after Jet. I think Jet also taught Rora a lot regarding life, and how to get along with our family.
Jet used to bark a lot. Dad would hit him when he does. Being an empath, and someone who also feels like I need to be responsible for everyone’s wellbeing, I’m always on high alert. So even if it’s early in the morning and I hear Jet barking, I will pull myself out of bed, go outside even when it’s in the freezing winter, and intentionally scold and hit (not hard though) Jet, especially for my dad to hear, so that he won’t hit Jet again. That’s how I am in life, always feeling responsible to make sure that everyone is happy, and no one gets hurt.
We later on bought two miniature French poodles, called “Tien Tien – sweetheart – female”, and “Xiao Baio – precious gift – male”. One time, Tien Tien peed on the floor near the front entrance and we didn’t notice it until dad came home and almost slipped. He instinctively kicked Tien Tien hard. I’m usually mild mannered, but I got so mad when he did that and yelled at him. I couldn’t believe that he had the heart to kick such a tiny little life, just because he almost slipped. That’s my dad. Don’t get me wrong, for I love him dearly. However, if you disobey him, or get in his way, then you will for sure feel his wrath.