Once again feeling nostalgic… It was a strange experience. He is ten years younger than me, although he initially thought that I was younger than him. He’s a karate black belt Dan and instructor. He is strong, powerful and very sexual. He’s had threesomes in the past. His best friend’s ex-fiancé wanted to experience a threesome with the both of them. I guess things got complicated afterwards and they broke up.
When we had sex, he told me that I was the best sex he has ever had. I didn’t know that he had a girlfriend when we first slept together. Right after we had sex, he told me that he has a girlfriend, and that he’s leaving her.
We had tender, loving and gentle sex the first time we were together. It seemed like he thought I was a virgin. He stared at my naked body and my face with no make up on (I don’t usually put on any make up, sometimes just a light foundation powder for sunscreen protection) and told me that he can’t believe that I am 10 years older than him.
We hooked up for quite a bit afterwards, and he also stayed over at my apartment and I gave him acupuncture treatments. We had sensual, kinky and erotic sex all combined into one. I sat in him and told him to choke me while we had sex, and I told him to “fuck me like a whore” ~ I guess to help me get in touch with the pain that I felt deep down inside of me…
I like intense pressure and force, but not pain though….
I told him to punch towards my face with a closed fist, and to stop at the very last second, because I trusted that he would be able to. He was very nervous about that, but he managed to pull it through! I wanted to see if I would be able to not wince. I did not wince, but I did scream though. It was so exhilarating!
However, the more we hung out together, the more I realized how immature he was. The videos that he watched, the movies that he told me about, the music that he listened to (There was one song that I really liked though ~ “Father and Son” by Cat Stevens. I think he had experienced some “Father Wounding” while growing up… If I remember correctly, his parents got divorced when he was young.), and the things that he was interested in… We drifted further and further apart….
I think this would have been what my encounter would have been like with manho, had we ever gotten together; as he seems like a very immature person, especially regarding the way he handled us. You can be younger, yet mature, like someone else I know of, who is of the exact same age as manho.
The sex with manho (if we had ever gotten together) ~ maybe not too bad; but the communication would have been dreadful! He already can’t hold a short 5-minute conversation together, how are we supposed to have a conversation for 30 minutes or longer??? Communication is of utmost importance in any kind of relationship, and that unfortunately, is the skill that manho lacks.
My husband is not a bad man. He’s just not the man who can fulfill my deepest desires and wishes, I guess… in my mind, body, spirit, and soul…
When I have sex, I let go of all of my inhibitions and end up screaming and writhing a lot. One time, when my husband and I had sex, he told me that when we make love, that it doesn’t have to always be like what is done in the porn movies. I was so taken aback by what he said. So now I can’t even let go of my inhibitions during sex with him??? I guess he would like to imagine himself fucking a virgin, instead of a temptress, when having sex. From that point onwards, it started to affect how I felt, and how I acted whenever we had sex. I will never forget that moment…
I guess, I need to be with a man who appreciates, and enjoys me being totally uninhibited (and he himself as well) when we have sex. Someone who is willing to be vulnerable and open to our raw, intense emotions, feelings, and sensations.
I have to admit though, that I used to prefer having gentle, tender and loving sex. It was after being raped by my ex that I started to develop this tendency at times to want to experience rough sex ~ perhaps as a way to heal my pain, and the sense of guilt and shame that I felt while being raped by him?
These two beautiful superstars (they both are actors and singers) in this music video passed away too soon. Anita Mui died of cervical cancer at the age of 40. Leslie Cheung committed suicide at the age of 46. Rest in Peace my sweet angels.
I am grateful for life, and I am grateful for what I have in life… 🌷
似水流年 (The Passing Years Are Like the Flowing Water)
wàng zhe hǎi yí piàn
望著海一片
Gazing at the endless sea
mǎn huái juàn wú lèi yě wú yán
滿懷倦 無淚也無言
I run out of tears and words
wàng zhe tiān yí piàn
望著天一片
Looking at the endless sky
zhǐ gǎn dào qíng huái luàn
只感到情懷亂
I’m dazed and confused
wǒ de xīn yòu sì xiǎo mù chuán
我的心又似小木船
My heart is like a small wooden boat
yuán jǐng bú jiàn
遠景不見
Though I can not see the future
dàn réng xiàng zhe qián
但仍向著前
But I still move forward
shuí zài mìng lǐ zhú zǎi wǒ
誰在命裡主牢我
Who is in control of my life?
měi tiān zhēng zhá rén hái lǐ miàn
每天掙扎 人海裡面
Struggling every day among the crowds
xīn zhōng gǎn tàn sì shuǐ liú nián
心中感嘆 似水流年
My heart mourns. The passing years are like the flowing water…
bù ké yǐ liú zhù zuó tiān
不可以留住昨天
You can’t hold on to yesterday
liú xià zhí yǒu sī niàn (Chorus starts)
留下只有思念
What is left are only memories
yí chuàn chuàn yóng yuǎn chán
一串串永遠纏
In bits and pieces that I will forever treasure
hào hàn yān bō lǐ
浩瀚煙波裡
Amidst the immense mist-covered sea
wǒ huái niàn huái niàn wǎng nián
我懷念 懷念往年
I cherish the memories of the passing years
wài mào zǎo gǎi biàn
外貌早改變
The appearances have already changed
chǔ jìng dōu biàn
處境都變
The situation has changed too
qíng huái wèi biàn
情懷未變
But the feelings never will… (Chorus ends)