My first childhood love played this song for me in his car, while he caressed my body and kissed me all over. We met each other in high school. I was in girls high, and he was in boys high. His sister, my classmate and friend, introduced me to him. We attended the high school dance together. Our first names rhyme, so my classmates used to tease me and sing ‘Helen and ______ sitting in a tree, K__I__S__S__I__N__G’! We had an innocent and sweet love.
We reunited shortly by chance when I was in university. He is a passionate and romantic person. But for some reason, I was unable to accept his love back then.
If I had chosen him, instead of my medical school boyfriend, then I don’t think I would have been in a long-term abusive relationship. I may have even married him, have three kids, and perhaps, even ten grandkids by now. Who knows?
The Twelfth of Never
You ask how much I need you, must I explain? I need you, oh my darling, like roses need rain. You ask how long I’ll love you; I’ll tell you true: Until the twelfth of never, I’ll still be loving you.
Hold me close, never let me go. Hold me close, melt my heart like April snow.
I’ll love you till the bluebells forget to bloom; I’ll love you till the clover has lost its perfume. I’ll love you till the poets run out of rhyme, Until the twelfth of never and that’s a long, long time.
I often neglect my inner child. When she comes to me with issues, I’ll either say to her “I’m busy right now”, or “I don’t think this is such a big deal”. I think this is why I have auto-immune issues. My inner child finally had it with me one day and decided to self-destruct, and take me along with her.
What do you do when your own body sees you as an enemy and attacks you? If you take immunosuppressive drugs, then external pathogens will take over your body instead.
I am also accident-prone and hurt myself on a constant basis. After starting on the path of self-development; every time I accidentally hurt myself, I will gently stroke where it hurts, comfort my inner child, and say to her “I’m so sorry baby. I’m so sorry baby”. I think my inner child is fed up with me though, since I get hurt so often. She’s trapped inside a clumsy body…
We don’t have much in common. We don’t share an emotional connection. But it was time for me to settle down. I told dad I don’t feel that he is my true love… Dad told me that sometimes the person you marry is not necessarily the person you love the most. I listened to dad, and it was time for me to settle down, so I took the plunge…
Many many years later, we’re still together. I believe (or at least I would like to) that we do love each other. However, we have not been in love with each other for many years now. We’re more distant than roommates are with each other. We hardly talk, and we don’t connect on an emotional level. We still don’t have much in common after all these years …
As miserable and trapped as I feel, I would like to believe that he feels the same way as well. There’s a saying, that if the shoe does not fit you, then give it someone that it does fit to enjoy instead. With him, I will forever feel like I’m Cinderella, because I can not fit into this glass slipper. Yet, I still hold onto it…. Is it time to let it go? Can I find the glass slipper that fits me so that I can turn into a fairytale princess?
I think I had met two romantic soulmates in my life. One, was never meant to be. The other, we were so close, yet so far apart. We were so close to getting married. One night, after a night of passion, he said to me ‘Let’s go now. Let’s go to Vegas now and get married’. I didn’t think that was the ‘proper’ way to get married, so I said ‘No’. I said that I wanted the whole nine yards; the diamond ring, the engagement, the wedding, all of that….. If I had said ‘Yes’, then perhaps we’d still be together now? Perhaps, we would have been able to work through all of our issues together?
I have two best friends in this world; my mom, and my sister. We can talk about anything under the sun. We can crack jokes, and we can talk deep. We cry together and we laugh together. We have similar interests and personalities. We don’t even have to talk sometimes, and still feel very happy with each other, since we connect on a soul level. Just being in the presence of each other, or thinking of each other makes us feel safe and happy.
There are no boundaries to our love for each other. Even though we are far apart, we are still, and will always be connected with each other for always.
I am so thankful and grateful for having my two best friends as my family members, since I have been able to connect with them since the day I was born. I love you, my dear soulmates!
