A friend recommended that I watch a YouTube video called “The Power of Vulnerability” by BrenΓ© Brown, which talks about having an open heart and being willing to be vulnerable in all of your relationships in order to experience true love and happiness. After watching the video, thinking of my past betrayals, and exploring the possibility of being willing to be vulnerable again in my relationships, I experienced a panic attack with anxiety, heart palpitations, and shortness of breath.
I have been doing so much emotional work this year to try and heal from all the heartbreaks, betrayals, deceptions, and broken promises that I have experienced, and I have finally started to feel better about myself and my life. However, after watching that video and having an emotional breakdown, I’ve just realized that there is still so much healing that I need to do.
It still hurts so bad! How can it still hurt so bad!?? I thought I had already forgiven everyone that has hurt me and betrayed me so badly in the past. I’ve been working so hard on forgiving and letting go, which is like sweeping the trash out of my home (my heart). And this concept of being vulnerable is like once again leaving my front door open so that anyone can come into my home (my heart) and destroy it all over again… This is the analogy that comes to mind for me at this phase in my life when I think of being vulnerable again in my relationships.
I don’t think I’m there yet. I’ve just started to finish my stage of forgiveness and letting go of the hurt that others have done to me. I’m now entering the phase of forgiving myself for allowing others to abuse me, whether it’s emotionally or physically. The next phase of my healing journey will be to become self-empowered and learn to set healthy boundaries.
Once I’m able to set healthy boundaries, then I can become vulnerable again, knowing deep inside that even if I get hurt again, I will be okay. It will still be painful, it will still hurt like hell. However, I will know when to draw the line, and I will heal fully.
If I gave the opportunity to you, then would you blow it?
If I was the greatest thing that happened to you, would you know it?
If my love was like a flower, would you plant it, would you grow it?
Vulnerable
~ Selena Gomez
If I gave you every piece of me, I know that you could drop it
Give you the chance, I know that you could take advantage once you got it
If I open up my heart to you, I know that you could lock it
Throw away the key and keep it there forever in your pocket
If I gave the opportunity to you, then would you blow it?
If I was the greatest thing that happened to you, would you know it?
If my love was like a flower, would you plant it, would you grow it?
I might give you all my body, are you strong enough to hold it?
If I show you all my demons
And we dive into the deep end
Would we crash and burn like every time before?
I would tell you all my secrets
Wrap your arms around my weakness
If the only other option’s letting go
I’ll stay vulnerable, yeah
I’ll stay vulnerable, yeah
I’ll stay vulnerable
If I hand you my emotions, would you even want to take it?
(Would you even want to take it? Yeah)
If I give you all my trust, then would you fumble it and break it?
(Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm)
If I let you cross my finish line, then would you wanna make it?
(Would you wanna make it? Would you wanna make it?)
I think I’m ready, won’t you come and flip the switch and activate it?
(Ooh)
If I show you all my demons
And we dive into the deep end
Would we crash and burn like every time before?
I would tell you all my secrets
Wrap your arms around my weakness
If the only other option’s letting go
I’ll stay vulnerable, yeah
I’ll stay vulnerable, yeah
I’ll stay vulnerable
If I show you all my demons
And we dive into the deep end
Would we crash and burn like every time before?
I would tell you all my secrets
Wrap your arms around my weakness
If the only other option’s letting go
I’ll stay vulnerable, yeah (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’ll stay vulnerable, yeah (oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
If I show you all my demons
And we dive into the deep end
Would we crash and burn like every time before? (I’ll stay vulnerable)
I would tell you all my secrets
Wrap your arms around my weakness
If the only other option’s letting go
I’ll stay vulnerable