Called my mom just now and had another long, heartwarming conversation with her, as always….
You’re Still The One – Shania Twain
I have not been telling mom a lot of stressful things going on in my life for quite a while now, because she’s stressed out herself with taking care of my dad and my sister. However, I’ve been having so much stress especially for the past few weeks, it was all boiling up inside of me, ready to explode.
I finally vented a whole lot of anxiety and frustrations to my mom (in a nice way, of course. Not using her as a punching bag, unlike some other people…).
I know that I’ve been complaining about my dad more these days. However, I am very protective of my family. NO ONE is allowed to bad mouth (except for me, when I’m venting to my mom or sister) or hurt my family.
So, I was once again complaining about something (forgot about what now, something insignificant) about my dad. And mom defended dad. I was actually so happy she did that. Because as much I want to complain about something I’m unhappy about dad, I still love him very much. So, I’m really glad that mom has his back. This makes me feel more at ease if I want to complain about dad, without having to feel guilty for doing so.
This also got me thinking… my parents have been married for over 50 years now. Throughout the past 20 years, dad started to appreciate my mom more and more. Especially in the past 10 years or so, dad will always tell mom that the wisest decision he has ever made in his life was to marry her, and I agree with him wholeheartedly!
It warms my heart so much to know of this everlasting kind of true love. And as much as I sometimes don’t feel like dad treated my mom right in certain ways, mom doesn’t feel that way. I guess every one feels differently about different things. Besides, I don’t know what happens behind closed doors. Maybe dad is all mushy around mom when no one else is around?
I’m just so happy that regardless of whatever hardships our family has been through and are still going through, we will always have each other’s backs. We will always look out for each other and take care of each other. Been married for over 50 years and still loving each other, my gosh, you hardly hear of romances like this these days!
I dedicate this song to my parents. I hope that everyone can find their “You’re Still The One” to be with forever and ever!
You’re Still The One
~ Shania Twain
Looks like we made it
Look how far we’ve come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we’d get there someday
They said, “I bet they’ll never make it”
But just look at us holding on
We’re still together still going strong
You’re still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You’re still the one I want for life (You’re still the one)
You’re still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You’re still the one I kiss good night
Ain’t nothin’ better
We beat the odds together
I’m glad we didn’t listen
Look at what we would be missin’
They said, I bet they’ll never make it
But just look at us holding on
We’re still together, still going strong
You’re still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You’re still the one I want for life (You’re still the one)
“God, grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.” – The Serenity Prayer
Feeling a Lack of Control – Tapping with Brad Yates
Do NOT run away from adversities. Face your fears. Stand your ground. At the same time, learn to choose your battles wisely.
It is normal to have stressors in our lives. That is all part of living. The key to living a happy, fulfilled life is to learn how to respond to these normal stressors. Develop resilience in your mind, body and spirit – physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Module 3: Get Past Food Sensitivities & Create Your Personalized Good Mood Meal Plan – Ingredients for a Healthy Gut & Balanced Mind
My Goal for this week: Eat a more variety of plants (vegetables)
1. Food Sensitivities:
Research has shown that the key driver in mental health disorders is inflammation.
Food sensitivities contribute to inflammation by basically activating your immune system.
Anything that activates an immune response is going to trigger inflammation in the body as the types of chemicals that are secreted by immune cells (e.g. interleukins, interferons) activate inflammatory pathways in cells.
Food sensitivities will thus affect the health of the brain which is very sensitive to inflammation.
Contributing factors to the increase of food sensitivities and food intolerances: unhealthy diets, environmental toxins, overuse of antibiotics and other medications, increased number of caesarean births, the sterility of food supply, and stress.
A true food allergy, known as an IgE allergy response, is a response by your immune system to something it perceives as foreign or harmful.
These immediate reactions include anaphylaxis, hives, asthma and swelling. Usually this immune reaction caused by the production of immune molecules known as IgE’s are not difficult to identify because the reaction occurs immediately after the ingestion of the offending food.
Delayed onset food reactions (an IgG allergy response), otherwise known as food intolerances or sensitivities are more difficult to identify as the reaction is not immediate and occurs hours or even days after ingestion.
It causes a similar immune molecule to form but the symptoms are far broader. These reactions are not life threatening and may or may not be present for life.
Food intolerances can lead to “leaky gut” where your gut lining becomes porous, allowing foreign particles such as pathogens, bacteria, viruses and more to enter into your bloodstream. This can wreak havoc on your health and lead to a host of chronic diseases.
2. Fiber and Plant-based Diversity:
3. The Importance of Being Well-Hydrated:
4. Key Nutrients for Mental Health:
5. Action Points for Week 3:
6. Notes from Episode 3:
Food sensitivities doesn’t just affect the gut. It also affects the brain.
Food sensitivity is an IgG response. It may take over 24 hours before having a reaction/response. Therefore, it may be hard to tell what caused the reaction.
If the gut is leaky, then the blood-brain barrier is also leaky.
Plant-based diet is important for gut health. They provide fiber, pre-biotics and pro-biotics.
Our microbes love fiber.
Eat the colors of the rainbow – all kinds of plants.
Eat fruit with a meal. Snacking is not good for you.
The minimal recommended fiber is 25g/day for women and 30g/day for men. Eat a predominantly plant-based diet, in diversity.
The diversity of plants in your plant is the single most important indicator of a healthy gut microbiome.
Not all fibers are created equal. Different microbiomes prefer different types of fibers. By eating a diversity of plants, you feed all your microbiome.
Minimum of 30 different plants per week.
7. Q&A Session:
Anxiety, OCD – Be aware of unknown sources of sugar in your diet. Can be due to gut dysbiosis.
Chronic stress, cortisol: meditation, take deep breaths
Being married to the wrong person really sucks! It’s bad enough when you don’t share the same aspirations towards life, or have common interests, it’s far worse when you’re at the opposite end of the spectrum, when you’re at conflict as to what is right or wrong. When what you feel is the right thing to do is being vehemently opposed by the other person.
And now you’re stuck. You’ve given up your hopes, your dreams for this marriage, without being appreciated, and all for what? For nothing. Nothing that really matters to you – love, joy, happiness, passion, being cared for, and a sense of belonging. None of that, all that is left is a piece of paper reminding you that you are stuck.
He is so negative, not just towards you, but towards everyone else as well. Towards life in general. Especially in the past few years, he’s had problems with his work and it’s understandable to feel defeated. But you went through it with him as well, you suffered through it as well. You tried your best to make yourself happy again, and you try your best to make him feel happy, but it’s like the only emotions he has towards life are anger, jealousy, and resentment. And he can’t stand it when you try to feel joy and laughter in your life, so he will do his damn best to bring you down to same low vibrational level as himself. Misery loves company! If this was just an acquaintance, then you can just decide to stop interacting with him. But no, you live in the same house. As little as you two interact with each other, when he’s in a bad mood, he will actually take some time to talk to you and make you angry and upset. That’s the only time he’s willing to waste his ‘precious’ time and energy on you, to bring you down to the same low vibrational energy as himself.
You were brave enough tonight to just decide to stop engaging with him, and go downstairs to do some tapping, and let him continue yapping and yelling upstairs, while trying to drown out what he says. Well done, until next time…..
If you choose to leave this marriage, especially after so long, then you are a bad person. You probably weren’t being loving enough, or caring enough, or understanding enough. You’re a woman, you’re supposed to obey everything your man says. At least, that was how you were brought up. You’re not supposed to speak your mind. What you care, or how you feel, does not matter.
He didn’t ask to end this, so how dare you even think about it? He is your family member now. Even your parents and siblings see him as your family member. If you leave him, then you are a cruel, cold and heartless person. Even your own family will speak against you, especially your dad (whom you love dearly), who believes that a good wife is supposed to be at her husband’s beck and call, and is not supposed to argue with him; someone like your mom, your loving, kind mom, who was basically treated like a doormat. Not that your dad doesn’t her, he loves her dearly, but he expects her to behave in a certain obedient way, and she obeys him. And you know what’s even worse? Your mom, who has a saint-like quality, doesn’t think so. Therefore, you feel guilty for agreeing with your siblings that your mom was treated like a doormat. And this is your dad that we’re talking about, for goodness sake! How can you think bad things about your dad? This is how you grew up, this is what you’re familiar with. So, the fact that you even argue with your husband makes you feel guilty, because you are not obeying what your father has taught you growing up. How can you disobey your father? So now, you feel guilty, not just towards your husband, but towards your father as well! No one in your family has ever gotten a divorce, so you will be shaming your family if you do so! You made the choice, so live with it!
Even though your father is now suffering from memory loss due to aging, he will still remember to remind you whenever you two speak on the phone that, “Your husband is busy, so he probably won’t talk to you much. I was like that as well”. He will remind you constantly to bury your feelings, to accept that your husband doesn’t want to talk, or even have any interactions with, because he’s busy, so he’s “entitled” to treat you like you don’t exist. And it’s your job to try and make conversations with him, but remember, if he doesn’t want to interact, or even if he seems annoyed that you’re making conversation with him, then don’t bother him. And if he wants to take his frustrations from work out on you, then let him do that, because you’re supposed to be a good wife. He works so hard, so it is his God-given right to take his anger and frustrations out on you. Just accept it and behave accordingly. Your mom accepted her fate, so what is your problem???
He has never appreciated anything that you have done for him. Never did, and never will!
Even your dear, loving mother will say to you, “You can’t leave him, or he will drink himself to death”. So there you have it, both your mom and dad, that you love dearly, make it clear to you over and over again that you need to sacrifice your happiness for the greater good. Basically, the message (perhaps inadvertently) that they are sending to you, is that “You Don’t Matter”! Besides, it’s not like you’re a saint yourself. If your husband is willing to put up with your shortcomings, then you should be grateful enough already! Sigh…. No wonder my sister is ill! I’m surprised I haven’t lost my mind completely yet! Sometimes, I’m not sure who I’m more angry with? My husband, or my parents???
Live small, dream small, be a doormat, because that’s how a woman is supposed to behave, especially when she becomes a wife. That’s basically what you were taught growing up…
You are stuck, you are so stuck. This is probably why you’re always feeling like so many joints in your body is stuck! Because that is the energy you carry with you everywhere you go, of being stuck, and staying stuck. And if you want to unstuck yourself, then you are a bad person, a bad daughter and a bad wife.
It’s not like you have not encountered people that you have strong feelings towards, but what the heck are you supposed to do, besides burying those feelings deep inside of you, and just drowning those feelings. You might as well just not feel, because what you’re feeling towards another person is wrong. You’re supposed to be feeling those feelings towards your husband, not someone else. That is wrong! So, you might as well just not feel anything at all, what’s the point?
Just our thoughts can physically change our brain structure.
Neuro-endocrine response:
The hypothalamus ‘speaks’ the language of the nervous system
2 Key Players in the neurological stress response: brainstem and your prefrontal cortex.
It’s all about ‘Survival’.
Keyplayer 1 – Brainstem: all about survival, the reptilian brain, autonomous response, ‘win at all costs – especially to maintain basic life functions’
We have 2 autonomic systems:
Sympathetic – flight, fight or freeze
Parasympathetic – resting, digesting and healing
Dysautonomia (due to trauma, toxins, inflammation and stress, etc.) – may need to focus on the neurological response, instead of just the neuroendocrine response.
Key Player 2 – Prefrontal cortex – also all about survival.
It’s the ‘Dolphin’ brain – more enlightened, gives us these higher faculties, and higher cognitive functions (planning, judgement, foresight, vision, follow through – executive functions), and is at the seat of our Higher Selves. It also puts the brakes on our stress response.
Regardless of the experiences we’ve been through, we can always change through the miracle of neuroplasticity
The hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis is also in charge in putting the brakes on our stress response
The medial frontal cortex is responsible for dampening our stress response, but also to specifically to habituate the stress response (stress habituation).
Overactive brain stem – startled by loud noise.
The prefrontal cortex is also about ‘Survival’, but it’s more about ‘Thriving’, by giving us the judgement, the discernment. It gives us choice as to how we respond.
The prefrontal cortex sits on the totem pole of the neurological response.
Discernment is one of the core components of the prefrontal cortex.
There are 3 types of stressors: Physical, Chemical and Emotional
Physical stressors: concussion, minor whiplash
Chemical stressors: processed foods, food sensitivities, toxins
Mental & Emotional stressors: trauma
Regardless whether it’s external or internal stressors; it all boils down to our Stress Response, and there in lies our freedom.
Train your prefrontal cortex to boost your Stress Resilience.
When your prefrontal cortex is in the ‘ON’, functional state: focused, motivated, on point, positive, connected, calm and collected – even in challenging times.
When it’s ‘OFF”, when you lose prefrontal regulation of these functions – stressed, irritable, distracted, unmotivated, negative, and overwhelmed.
Your amygdala is the ‘Danger’ sensor – you’ll find something to be scared of.
When under chronic stress, instead of turning ‘ON’ like the brainstem does; the prefrontal cortex shuts ‘OFF’.
Then you’re under this continuous vicious cycle.
Meditation, positivity, affirmations do help to heal from these stressors.
However, your prefrontal cortex is already fatigued, so the meditation, positive thinking, and affirmations may be too much for your prefrontal cortex in the beginning. It helps to provide a temporary lifeline when you in the moment.
To treat the root cause – start by stabilizing the physical axis of your nervous system – the foundational part
Brainstem – ancient structure, sturdy, autonomic functions, never stops
Your Brainstem always win under chronic stressful situations (physical, chemical and emotional).
We all have Negativity Bias – which helped us to survive. Don’t beat yourself up.
Adaptation is the key to healing.
Make friends with your brainstem, especially your lower brainstem (i.e. the medulla oblongata), which houses your Vagus nerve.
Medulla oblongata + Vagus nerve = TAMING your stress response
The medulla oblongata can turn down the stress response of your brainstem. The mid-part of your brainstem – the mes-encephalon that’s in charge of your flight or fight response (RAS – reticular activating system). The medulla puts the brakes on the flight or fight response of your mid-brain. Start at the foundation first. It’s all about taming your brainstem.
As soon as you wake up, think of 3 things you’re grateful for.
6 Ways to Tame Your Brainstem (40:46):
1. 1:2 Breath Work – Our mesencephalon processes lights and sounds. You can be really sensitive to light, and/or sound if your mesencephalon is really overactive. A lot of concussion patients experience this.
If you have excess CO2, your midbrain will go further into high alert.
Take in a breath for 5 seconds, breath out for 10 seconds. Breathe in and out through your nose as that triggers the parasympathetic nervous response. You’re breathing out excess CO2.
2. Palming: developed my Tibetan yogis
put the fleshing part of your palms over your eyelids – oculo-cardiac response – a reflex between your Trigeminal nerve and your Vagus nerve. When you do that, you trigger a parasympathetic response. Do that constantly. It adds up when you do it over time. We’re healing your brain and nervous system from the ground up.
put your hand over your forehead (to calm down a different emotional response).
3. Belly Massage:
When you just visualize your hands warming up, you’re actually calming your stress response.
Warm up your hands and gently put in on your belly and be aware of the sensation of warmth. If you notice certain areas in your belly that has tension, then just gently push in. If you need to go to the bathroom, then do that first.
This activates the stretch receptors located all over your abdomen and digestive system. This connects via the Vagus nerve, to your brainstem.
4. Heart Rate Variability: train your HRV (heart rate variability) – an objective biomarker for your stress response, and the integrity of your Vagus nerve.
5. Low Level Laser – activates your mitochondria, neurological pathways, and decrease inflammation.
Activates your Vagus nerve and tames your brainstem.
e.g. get a red laser pointer, and shine it on your ear. Take your hand and cover your ear to help the disperse the photons better.
6. Electroceuticals:
They increase the signaling into your nervous system.
e.g. bone conducting headphones to activate the Trigeminal nerve.
Using electricity as medicine.
More ways to tame your brainstem: gargling, cold showers and cold exposures, probiotics. Be aware of your senses – sensory-based ways to activate your brainstem, nutrients, lifestyle changes.
GO OUT AND PLAY – do some palming, and belly massage, while you’re at it!
‘Turn down the fire’
Start with the foundation of your neurostructure – your brainstem, because your brainstem always wins!
